Blog September 21, 2020
Gone, but Not Forgotten
Tomorrow starts Fall. Still, the quarantines, masks, distancing continues. Still, my backyard project continues. Still the world keeps spinning. I’m feeling a little melancholy with the new season upon us. Life goes on, for some. Many have lost their lives.
This last week was the birthdays of some of my most precious families. Life lost so young, 16 months old and 15 years old. Way too young, all drug related. Not to mention their mom, my sister, it’s been a while, but I loved them all so much, their memory will be with me as long as I am alive. There have been so many, I will not list them all here now.
The point is, death is a part of life, but we never forgot those we love. Nor do I forget how and why and when. Our people that we have lost can strike at our hearts and our minds anytime, anywhere. No matter how long it’s been. As I watch the death toll of this horrible virus mount, I can’t imagine all the grief that is happening on our planet this year. Any year is full of its heartache and loss, but this year has way more than usual.
I’m not here to bring doom and gloom, but to say that we must honor, remember and continue to love those who have gone before us. Find ways to keep them in our hearts and pass their memories down to the children in our families.
When my sister, who was my best and closest confidant and running partner passed away, I felt like a big piece of me went with her. She was trying to stay clean at the time, but the drugs had taken a toll on her body, not to mention mind and spirit. But she was trying. Sometimes, we wait too long to make that all too important decision.
I have always said in meetings that it’s ok to get clean before you lose everything, before you are too sick to think straight. Before the doctor tells you to get clean or you’ll die within a month. It’s ok to get clean and start making healthier decisions and have an entire life worth living.
These days there seems to be more and more addicts dying at much younger ages than they use to. This is due to the heroin epidemic that has swept our nation. I belong to a couple of groups that are for the people who love addicts. There are postings daily on their loved ones dying. Mostly they are from 16 to 32 years old. They OD on heroin. It is tragic. They post pictures of them before they were using and then at the end stages. But sometimes they post that their addict got clean, busted, went to treatment. Those are the good posts.
Addiction is no joke and although my baby niece was only 16 months old, it was drugs that killed her. My sister’s crazy heroin addict ex-boyfriend murdered her. Drugs kill in so many many ways. I for one will not forget them. I stay clean for them. When my sister died in 1997, I was so devasted, and I really wanted out of my pain.
I wanted the comfort of familiar pain relievers: alcohol, barbiturates, drugs of any sort. But I could not bring myself to do that to her memory. I had 12 years clean then. I did not want to use my sister as an excuse to use, she would have hated that. She had been trying so hard to stay clean herself.
They are gone from this earth, but not from our hearts and memories and certainly not forgotten. I pray for all of the them, that they did not die in vain. We need to be valiant and carry on, making life better for us and our loved ones. Bringing us closer to our Higher Power’s will for us. I don’t know a lot for sure, but I know for a fact that my God does not want to see me or anyone waste our lives uselessly on drugs.
Just a note on this, we need to also remember the drugs- and the damage and pain they have caused. They may be gone- from my life, but they are not forgotten either! There is a quote from Winston Churchill, via George Santayana, “if we forget the past, we are doomed to repeat it”. This is the AA version.
Question of the Week: Do you have people that lost their battle with addiction? People you love who have passed away, but you remember them greatly? How do you honor their memories?
