As I begin this blog, I am trying to process the news that we have been subjected to Covid19. I have worked hard for all of us to avoid it. I missed Christmas with the kids, I don’t go to physical meetings or people’s houses. We take every precaution we can.
I have my groceries delivered or I do a pick-up thing, we wear masks, wash our hands and stay six feet away or just don’t go. I have been living in fear and I have had a huge struggle keeping my eleven-year-old grandson away from neighborhood kids and others. The biggest struggle has been keeping his dad away. He is not a person who has really taken this pandemic seriously and doesn’t understand asymptomatic or how he could transmit it to us. That my friends is the epitome of addiction, as our NA basic text tells us, “the core of our disease is self-centeredness.” Because when he is ready to see his son, he wants to see him, as an addict, he wants what he wants when he wants it.
But the thing is, if we get it, my husband will not live through it and I may not. Then what happens to this little boy? So, here I am, praying, of course. Yes, I feel anxious, because as you all know, we have to wait. Wait and see if we get symptoms, wait a week for a test, wait for it to come back. Although I have gotten better at being able to delay and wait, it’s never been my strong suit.
Still, right now, as I pray about this, I am reminded of something I learned when I was much newer to recovery. I learned that God will answer every prayer. Every prayer! All of them! First of all, after you pray, you must be ready for the answer, do not ignore the solution or the answer, second of all, he will answer with “yes, no or wait”.
I suppose the “yes” is obvious. The “no” probably is too, but that can be a little tough to take when it’s something you really wanted really bad. I’d be like, “uh, ok, let me ask in a different way Lord”. Try to come at the request from a different angle. That’s so funny. Of course, God is way ahead of me. He seen me coming hundreds of years ago. But it’s the “wait” that I’ve always had the hardest time with. And still, here I am, waiting.
People would tell me “in God’s time Debbie”, when I was whining and carrying on about not getting something I wanted fast enough. It’s been a hard-won lesson, but it can still be quite difficult, as in times like these. When I think of all the prayer requests I’ve made over the many years of my life and had to wait for them to be answered, ugh! Still, looking back, I see why it was best to wait in so many circumstances, God revealed that to me later.
Again, when we put in a prayer request, our faith will be tested when the answer is “no” or is “wait”. I think I can take a flat out “no” much better. Because with “wait”, I still have more questions, “well when then?” I want to know all about it now. As is the case with possibly being subjected to Covid19.
We’ve also been “waiting” and wanting to know when we can get the vaccine. I hope it’s not too late. We’ll just have to wait and see. My prayer is that on my blog next week, I will be telling you all that we are negative and have now had the vaccine.
If you have had the Covid19 virus and you are recovering from it, God Bless you. If you have lost someone due to Covid19, God Bless you, my prayers are with you. If you too are waiting to be tested or waiting for the vaccine, God Bless you. We pray for all of you. Please take care, of yourself and your loved ones, and perhaps, even people you don’t know and never will. If you are asymptomatic and walking around in the world, that is not working a very good program, it could cost someone their life.
Learning to think of others and also to follow simple directions is what recovery is all about.
Question of the week: Have you or loved one had Covid19? How are you all doing? If not, are you staying safe and well? Has this affected your personal recovery in anyway?
Hmm