Failure is not an option
Well, another interesting week. Full of ups, downs, adventures, scares, problems and solutions. It started out as a regular week, with school and soccer games and life as usual. But at the soccer game our boy took a hard hit to the face with the ball and it gave him a concussion. So, the doctor said no school, no sports for a week.
Meanwhile, the smoke from all the fires around us came to our town and we had terrible headaches and my husband’s COPD made it really hard to breath in the smoke, it was very thick. So, we took off and went to another town, where my grand daughter lives. She is our boy’s older sister and so he is staying with her for the week, which makes both of them very happy.
So, there you have it, another fun week of life on life’s terms. Living each day one day at a time and trying to handle what life throws at us to the best of our abilities. I did have a couple of opportunities to work my program and activate my faith in the face of pressure and stress. I did not rise to the occasion. Instead, I lost it, twice in one day actually. With the second time being worse than the first time, although hours apart.
At that point I have to ask myself, why is my tolerance level so damn low? What’s wrong with me? Not enough meetings? Is it time to work a step? Do I need to call my sponsor? Should I write about it and ask God for help and direction? Or maybe I should call my BFF and ask for direction and input and of course prayers.
It can be so exhausting. Dealing with myself and my issues. Sometimes I feel so defeated, but I cannot afford to stay there for long. I can feel that feeling, but not stay wallowing in it. I do need to kick my program into high gear and as I ask all those questions above, I need to answer them! I need to complete each of those to know that I am actively participating in my own recovery.
So, once again, living in the solution is the way I choose to live in order to stay out of the disease of addiction and the insanity of my own making. Actually, I’m hitting a meeting right now. Great topic, they read the JFT and the topic is “Getting right back up”. YES!! That’s the way I was raised around here, to know that I’m not perfect, but keep on keeping on and trying to get better and don’t use no matter what.
There have been other situations and occasions during the week that have caused me some sadness and reflection. My dear friend and sister in recovery clean date anniversary. The memorial service of another friend in recovery. And the illness or a very dear friend, someone who has helped me all of my recovery. Meanwhile, our old pastor and his wife left this morning and I feel a little sadness about that. They were very instrumental and important in the foundation of our early recovery; they will always be a treasure to us. We’ve had many gifts along our recovery travels, because, we (my husband and I) keep coming back.
So, I will kick all those questions I ask earlier into gear here today, this week, living one day at a time. Call my sponsor, work step 1, 2, 3 because I can’t, He can, I think I’ll let him. I’ll call my bestie, I’ll try to help someone else today.
Failure? Emotional relapse? Are these causes to quit? To relapse? To run away (always my first thought) to fall into the self-pity trap? That is such a deadly place to be in. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to fight for my recovery and my sanity. I’m going to continue to work on getting better.
Question of the Week: Have you felt like a failure lately? Is something making you want to run, quit, relapse? What can you do about it?
