Blog for December 6, 2021
Trust Issues
I always say that I was born suspicious. What I really mean is, life has taught me not to trust anyone or everyone too much, especially not at first. And especially people I do know that have burnt me time and again. Actually, the only people who are able to burn me time and again, are family and loved ones. I would not put up with all that for very long if blood bonds were not involved.
However, when we are children, we tend to trust the people who are in charge of us, usually parents and guardians. We trust our closest family, like siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles. But if any of them break that trust and bond, then we will never be the same. It kind of screws us up for all future relationships, to some degree or another.
When we are older and making our decisions, maybe we go into new relationships innocently and openly, trusting our new found love, building new promising relationships. Everything may go well for a while; we’ve never been happier.
But as life goes on, some people are going to be prone to breaking our trust (and our hearts) whether they intend to or not. From childhood, marriages, relationships, work and life. So, then what? What do we do with our “trust issues”? Do we ignore them, even when my gut says, “uh.. I’ve seen this kind of behavior before and it’s a prelude to pain, anger, hurt and heartache!” So, how can we heal, how can we stop the cycle?
Well, don’t trust the ones who have burnt you time and again. I totally understand giving second chances and a million chances to the people we love so much and want to see them do good. But, is it worth the continual pain?
The other day, my little grandson said to me “I have trust issues. Mostly because of my dad, so don’t you give me reasons to not trust you too.” Wow! That’s pretty heavy for a little boy, it’s also sad. Then, a couple days later I was talking to a sponsee and she too said something about trust issues. Then I saw a verse about trust. All week, the topic of trust kept coming up.
Which led to an incident with my adult addict child, one more time. It’s not that my expectations and trust is too high or anything. It’s just, “where there’s life, there’s hope” and it’s hard to let completely go of our family. I can distance myself and be on guard for incoming manipulations. But wow, that’s a rough way to go. Still, we do have to protect ourselves and the innocent ones as well, as best we can.
Many people go into counseling for this very reason, trust issues. Many people learn to heal and survive those issues and let go and let God and move on in their lives. Yet, there is always that little nudge in back of the brain saying ever so quietly, “be careful with this one, they look like that other one that hurt you, or smell like them or act like them.” I’m going to do a psychoanalyst here, I’m not qualified, but I do understand the process. I certainly understand the pain and uncertainties.
For many of us, the twelve steps and spiritual healing have helped tremendously. Some people even begin to take chances again. Letting people in, letting them in to the deep recesses of your heart and soul- now that’s scary stuff right there. But it has happened. We can heal, we can move on- carefully, but we do.
Question of the Week: Do you have trust issues? Do you confront them or shine them on? How do you deal with them?
