Blog for March 7th, 2022
As we watch a helpless war-torn little country try to defend itself against a monster that is ravishing their country, I feel sad and helpless myself. This attack is unprovoked and crazy mean. When I was using there were wars, conflicts, hatred and greed filled attacks that went on all over the world. I was oblivious to them all pretty much.
Since I got clean and have watched some movies, documentaries, took classes and talked to my smart husband of things I was learning about the atrocities of the world and seeing it pretty much for the first time, I was amazed. I had been so deep into my addiction, so deep into me, that I had not a clue about the horrors of the rest of the world. I was so oblivious.
They say “ignorance is bliss” and I think if I’m not careful I could easily slip into oblivion again, just out of pure self-centeredness and not wanting to see the pain and suffering. Something I am just not into anymore. I talked to other people who say, “oh, I’m not watching the news, it’s too disturbing”. Wow! I do find that a little self-centered if not outright ignorant. If we don’t know what’s going on in the world then we can’t be ready for what might come our way. Nor would I know who and what to pray for. If I choose to stay oblivious and unconcerned, ignoring the happenings in the world, then if I am taken by surprise I won’t have a defense against my enemy.
Addiction is also my enemy and if I’m not ready, watching and staying armed with the tools of recovery, it can sneak up on me and take me by surprise. Then, before I know it, the first bad experience that leaves me feeling alone and afraid can take me out with just one drink, one toke, one pill, one line, one dose. It only takes the first one to bring me down.
If I’m honest- and I sure try to be- I have had feelings that are not very easy to feel. There are situations in my private world that give me a feeling of unrest and agitation, feelings I’d love to be oblivious about! The source is from outside myself and of course I’m powerless over other people’s actions, I can only defend myself and pray for them. No matter how much they try to take me down, unprovoked and set on their own desire to look powerful and wonderful to the rest of the world.
Likewise, I try hard not to provoke others these days, I really don’t like the drama or having to make amends. Which is one of the most important factors for me. Having to clean up the wreckage of my presence is more effort than I wish to exert. However, if, in the event I do cause unrest, agitation or bad feelings to another, then I will make my necessary amends. I can’t always stay oblivious to the trouble or pain I cause.
Even though I am willing to pay attention to the world around me and stay educated as to the happenings on our planet, that does not mean that I am so enmeshed, so deep into it that I am glued to the news all the time. Lord knows, with our phones, tablets, lap-tops and everything else, there is no getting away from the news. I do watch it, I have my favorite news stations, but I do not watch it 24/7/365. I take breaks, I go on vacations, outings, clean my house, write, talk to friends, go see my family and friends. I read, exercise, listen to music and work my steps. I have a life.
There has to be a balance in understanding the world around us and staying healthy as we can within our own selves. Again, it is not my intention to be so into self that I don’t notice a whole country is being blown up and millions of people are displaced, and thousands being killed. I need to know there is a monster on the planet causing this pain and harm and his reach of destruction could possibly affect us all. I cannot and will not ever be that oblivious again. Recovery has awakened me to the world and what I can do to help it be a much better place by not provoking more heartache and pain.
Question of the Week: Have you ever provoked someone to the point they get very upset? Would you choose oblivion to knowing the truth- no matter what the truth is?