Blog for July 18th, 2022
Negative Feelings
Even though it’s been a slow and low week around here, each day brought with it a new set of emotions. It was a bit of a roller coaster. Yet, some of the days my head was so heavy and congested that I couldn’t really think of anything too clearly, so I just vegged.
It seems like summer colds are the worse. Because the sun is shining, I should be busy and active. Lots to do. I couldn’t think straight or function. Yet, emotions had their way with me. I know from experience with lots of illnesses that being sick can always make me feel down and sad. I try not to get too whiney, but it is what it is.
I’ve been feeling a lot of sadness, frustration, regret, and apprehensiveness for the future. Mixed with a bit of fear. None of these are positive emotions and I hesitate to even mention this. But I am always honest here about the weeks doing’s and how it involves my recovery and family.
I am sad because our grandson will be moving out. I regret not being a better parent/grandparent to him. Albeit I’ve done my best, I always think there’s room for improvement, but it’s been difficult to work around the fact of his addicted parents and the issues that have gone on with having him all these years. I could not keep him safe from their attitudes, it seems he has picked up on a lot of them. That too is part of my frustration.
I feel frustrated also for not being able to take care of my home the way I want to and the projects I want to do. This is due to illness and body pain. I do what I can, but I’m certainly not like I was in my forties. I also regret and feel frustrated that I have not accomplished all the things I wanted to in life. I’ve done what I could, tried my best- I think, again, it is what it is.
My apprehensiveness is also tied to my grandson moving out, going to live with his sister and her new husband. I do believe it’s for the best, but I just pray it all works out. I need to let go. I am also apprehensive about my husband’s and my future. Mainly our health. Doing things we’d like to do. Getting things done. This very day we had to call our favorite plumber to come fix a leak in our pipes.
I sure don’t mean to sound all doom and gloom. The heat is getting to me, and I’m just worn out from being sick. But I’ll tell you this, I combatted all these thoughts and emotions this week with prayer, zoom meetings, step work with a sponsee, talking to people who need me, talking to people who care about me in my recovery.
I did some writings about my grandson leaving and read it with my husband and we had a good talk about it all. He’s been there every step of the way and if I’m off base, he’ll tell me. Mostly, he was %100 in agreement with my thoughts and feelings. He, however, is much better at saying, “we did the best we could, it’s time to let go.” Lord, I love this man.
Before I got sick this week the only eventful thing I did was go on a girl date with two old friends. One of them has just lost her husband, he and my husband grew up together and were good friends for over sixty-four years. She and Mike were married sixty-one years and dated three years prior to that. Wow! You don’t see much of that anymore do ya. I can’t imagine how hard it is for her to be without him now.
We went to a movie and lunch and the movie brought up a lot of memories and feelings as well. Elvis. I wasn’t a big fan, one of my older sisters was, he was before my time, but wow, what a movie. And the drugs, woe! No wonder he died. In my opinion, they killed him. His manager and the doctor that kept shooting him up. So sad. All for the money.
After the movie we went to eat and talked and talked and talked. I’ve been holding onto that fun memory all week being locked up in my house. I had to cancel two appointments because of my cold and two meetings. Isolation is not all that good for me. But I do reach out and I’m pretty outspoken about my feelings to people who are really close to me. This is what recovery has taught me.
Sorry about dumping feelings here, but I wanted to share the things that help to combat these negative feelings and here’s hoping it will be a better week. Just don’t use no matter what and it will all get better.
Question of the Week: What do you do with negative feelings?
