Blog for May 8th, 2023
Roaming Free
The past few days I have heard messages from different places about roaming free. I thought that was very apropos, considering my situation of the week. I’m not sure “situation” is the appropriate word, but still, it fits my life for the past week.
I left home last Monday, a week ago and headed to Las Vegas where I spent the night with my grandkids, then caught a plane to Memphis, rented a car and drove to Mississippi to pick up another granddaughter. We immediately headed for all parts east. South Carolina was our goal.
This was a two-fold trip: one, to go to South Carolina because that was the only state I’ve never been to and Two- to spend some good, quality time with my twenty-four year old granddaughter.
This girl has been a serious victim of the disease of addiction, not by her own hand, but by her parents. She is the older sister of the grandson that we had raised for eight years. All of my son’s kids have suffered in one way or another behind their parents’ addictions. It causes so many kinds of emotions in me.
I hate what it has done to them, to this granddaughter especially. She has about as many diagnoses as Carter has pills. I just wanted to spend some time with her and tell her how much I love and care for her. You see, she spent more time at my house growing up than she spent at her parents. I’m very attached and very vested with her.
But communication is hard for her, she doesn’t call or text unless she needs something, and for the most part, that’s alright. So, spending close, personal time on a road trip was a great way to reconnect. We sang, laughed, ate, took pictures, we met up with some of my friends in Georgia and of course, talked and talked and I watched her sleep a lot. It was great. I felt blessed to make this trip with her.
As we rolled back into her town, she suddenly got “sick” and wanted to go home, so I took her and left her there and I had a bit of a meltdown. I was so sad she didn’t want to spend my last couple of nights on this trip with me. But I believe it was about a boy and about dope. Ugh! Some things never change, eh!
It was like a stab in the heart. Because she lives so far and no telling when or if I’ll ever see her again. It makes me cry to think of it. But why? When will I ever learn? Expectations are for the birds! Still, her actions at the end do not take away from the bond and fun we had together on the road. I hope and pray I said something that will make a healthy difference in her life.
The effects of the disease of addiction seem to be never ending, in my family and in the world. What madness is this that we cling to drugs so tightly? No human power can break this kind of bondage- the hard grip that drugs have on this world.
I did however, feel the freedom of the road as we roamed this land, these southern states. I feel freedom from not being chained to my addiction, to a drug of any sort, thank you Lord! I am not imprisoned by my addiction any longer, I can go where I want, when I want. I am very selective, however. And I miss my husband like crazy, I can’t wait to get back home to him, just two more nights and one very long day.
Roaming free does have its cost too ya know. Of course, food, lodging and gas is not free- if that’s the way you want to travel the open road, and that is the way I want to travel. I’m not a hitchhiking young hippie chick no more, staying in flop houses and wherever. Geeze, that’s crazy land stuff right?
It also has the price of not being with some of your people, if you’re on the move all the time, you don’t have time for them. Plus, keeping my stuff organized has always been a challenge for me. Lol
Since I began this blog that song from Elton John has been running through my head “Don’t let the Sun go Down on Me”,
where he says “I just allow a fragment of your life to wander free…” and continues with “although I’ve searched myself, there’s always someone else I see.” Wow! I find truth in that. When I’m on the road like this, I re-think and re-invent myself over and over again, and probably end up with the same ol me anyway. Lol
Wander free, roam free, go free, it has its place and time in our lives, but watch those expectations as you do. The open road is full of so many unexpected twists and turns, happiness and heartbreaks. Nothing should really surprise you, that is surprising in and of itself.
Question of the Week: Do you travel plans coming up this summer? Happy Travels!
