Blog for September 11th, 2023
Words
This week my blog day has fallen on 911. I still cry. I believe that was the worst tragedy perpetrated on mankind. So very heart breaking. Sunday when my husband and I did our meditations, one of them brought up the all the losses that we have had. Actually, it was about that we don’t always need the exact right words to console someone in their loss. Sometimes, there are no words, just being there, hugging them and listening to them is enough.
That dreadful September day in 2001 brought us to our knees and it left us all speechless. There were no words, just hugs, tears, and prayers. No one knew what to do to fix it. Least of all me. In 2015 I was in NYC with my best friend and we went to the reflection pool. There were a lot of words there, over three thousand names! Heart breaking.
Recently we lost a very dear loved one, a nephew who was very near and dear to us. Our hearts are still broken. I mentioned to my husband, who was very close to Jerry, that I feel awkward about talking to my sister-in-law about the loss of her son. We went and seen her as soon as we were able. We just hugged her and loved her. But the words are still not there.
I am a person who believes in communication, words- written and verbal. Also, pictures, songs, poems, smiles, hugs, looks are also a great way to communicate. Rolling eyes, down cast eyes, widened eyes. They are all kinds of ways to send a message to someone. Lots of ways to communicate.
However, I think that our stance, attitude, facial expressions, and openness, or closedness, whichever it is, speaks volumes. As they say, you can feel their vibe. We used to say that there is an aura about you. It’s the same as vibe really. In fact, I remember a “mood ring” that would turn the color of your mood. I think it was kind of accurate at times.
For me, my recovery has been all about communication. Sharing at meetings, talking with sponsees and my sponsor. Communicating my feelings to her and to my husband. It has been necessary to communicate to my bosses, co-workers, doctors, counselors but the most important is God.
I realize that He already knows what’s in my heart and what I’m trying to say, but it’s more for me. I need to know that I can tell God anything, pray about anything, give it all to Him and yes there has been times I could not find the words even talking to my Lord.
Lately, I’ve been holding my tongue a lot at meetings. Because when I do share, my words are failing me or my meaning. Then, I don’t want to share anymore, I feel embarrassed.
Then silence comes. Words fail. Thoughts fail. But silent communication with my God continues. Thank God for that! Sometimes, we just need to rest in the Lord for a while, then He will reveal the thoughts, the words, and the feelings. I just gotta leave it alone, put it down for a while. Wait- for Him to communicate with me. I need to quit trying so hard. He will lay the words on me that He wants me to say.
Question of the Week: How are you doing with your words?
