Blog for July 22nd, 2024
Pride: A feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated. Team pride.
False Pride: A type of pride that is unhealthy or unwarranted. It’s arrogant, conceited, dishonest, egotistical, vain, and self-important.
I think we can easily trick ourselves into believing that pride in our accomplishments and hard work has given us such a good feeling about ourselves that we feel elevated and place ourselves in a higher standing. Maybe, that is well and fine, but maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s just the beginning of becoming full of ourselves and letting our ego’s run away with us.
As a mother, grandmother, teacher and sponsor, I am always trying to encourage the kids, students and sponsees. I will praise them, even for pictures I cannot make heads or tails of. They are precious, cute and very sensitive. I always want to be careful with their little feelings, but at the same time, I had to help them learn to read, write and math. We have to be honest with them that not all of their work is correct and then help them to improve and learn.
I do not think we adults are much different; I also treat new sponsee’s with encouragement, love and honesty. When we do step work, I try to be very encouraging, but asking questions in kind, gentle ways. Helping them to look inward to see their part in situations. So, when we try to encourage people, we are inspiring pride, they will feel the pride of their work and accomplishments. Is this wrong? I think not.
Yet, this innocent encouragement might produce a prideful feeling that blossoms into full blown arrogance. Then again, there are some, like me, who have never really felt worthy of my blessings, but yet, this pride thing has seeped in through other means. There seems to be something about having a lot of time in recovery that has positioned me to think that I am due some kind of respect from people, especially newcomers. And they are actually the last ones to show any respect.
There are others that do show honor and respect to people (like me) who are older and have been around a long time. The Monday night group is definitely like that- towards my husband and myself, I love them. But they have some time in recovery and are being led by a man who teaches – and shows- them how to be respectful gentlemen. That’s how it should be in recovery.
But ok, back to me, I do recognize that I have let my pride affect my feelings. I mean, just recognizing my pride issue is significant enough. But I went a little deeper and in fact, I’m still digging. Because I’m not comfortable with the feelings that it has brought me. My subtle, buried deep feelings like- “hey, you owe me” attitude seems to be a pride issue and has cost me some bad, hurtful feelings. I was not aware of it. Well, now I am, so where to go from here?
I think it’s a step 6 & 7 type solution, so yes, I’ll get right on that. Thanks to keeping up with step ten, I have uncovered this defect in me. You know why? Because of the pain of it. Pain is always the biggest motivator. Along with step seven comes the admission of my wrongs- to my Higher Power, my sponsor and myself. Not as easy as it sounds. But if not, I will walk around life with a chip on my shoulder that will continue to grow. And that sucks!
It’s ok to find out you are wrong, but it’s not ok to sweep it under the carpet. Look your defects in the face and confront them, confront yourself. Don’t worry, you are not alone, you have your Higher Power, sponsor and probably others who love and care about you and your recovery who will help support you through it, and who knows, you are probably setting an example to them about facing your defects. Don’t let pride get in the way of your growth and your living life to the fullest, we can’t do that if we walk around being prideful.
Question of the Week: What are you feeling prideful about?
