Showing Up!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day to ya
Showing Up
As I begin this blog tonight, it is my daughter’s fiftieth birthday. We had a nice celebration with her, family and her friends. She is an amazing, wonderful woman, and I am so proud of her. I pray she has another wonderful fifty years of a happy life.
I am so grateful that I was able to attend, even though the day before I was sicker than a dog. I feel like God helped me through this, as He does with everything. For me, it would have been unthinkable to miss her party. So, yes, I’m glad and grateful I was well enough and able to go.
My daughter said something at her party that struck me, she said “thank you all for coming, I love you all and showing up speaks volumes”. I get it, and I think she is right. Showing up is very important when you love somebody. When you say you care. Then it’s important to show it. Just being there for someone speaks louder than words.
I know that she was hurt by who didn’t show up, but she did not dwell on that, to her credit, she focused on who was there, on the positive. I admire that. I’ve been hurt many times by who didn’t show up for me. But we can’t dwell on the hurt. I personally take note of when it’s a repeated thing from someone, and soon, I quit inviting or expecting them. I lower my expectations.
As for the showing up part, it is not about other people, it’s about me. Am I showing up when I’m expected to? When I need to? When others need my help? When God has a plan for me to fulfill? That’s the real question. The other people need to deal with their own reasons and feelings. I personally intend to protect my feelings that way, but at the same time, I do not want to be a person who causes others to be hurt by my lack of caring about their situations and feelings.
The most important showing up I think I ever did was showing up for my first NA meeting. My first day of turning my life over to a new way of living. By showing up that day, I’ve been able to show up for many many more important events, like my daughter’s fiftieth birthday. What a blessing.
I show up for my service commitments, I’d say in my forty years of recovery, I’ve been of service 100% of the time, and have shown up to all those commitments at least 97% of the time, if not more. Sometimes life gets in the way, and we can’t make it to our commitment. In fact, I just now got a call from my RCM alternate, and he said he couldn’t make it to the Regional meeting today due to his father being so ill. I totally understand that, and I appreciated the call. And just being there, showing up for our sick and hurting family and friends does not even require words, just showing up and being there, does indeed speak volumes.
And there ya go, if you can’t make it, say something. Don’t let people sit around waiting on you. I’ve had that done to me many times from family who are still using, and see, that’s just it, that is how we behave in our disease. When we are using and drinking, we don’t care about other people’s feelings, we’re just worried about us getting our next high.
My poor babies, they had to learn this lesson many times when growing up, their dad often said he’d come to see them, especially on birthdays and holidays, but then he wouldn’t show up, due to being in his disease. I watched the hurt and pain in their faces, to this day, it still makes me so sad for them.
In my recovery I have made showing up for my kids, grandkids and family a priority. As well as sponsees, friends, work, service commitments, fund raisers and more. Such as sick friends and neighbors. For whatever my God puts in front of me to do.
Showing up has way more value than we sometimes think about, I’m glad my daughter said that on her birthday. I loved being there for her!
By the way, since I’ve done my DNA and found out my true heritage, I did show up to meet all the family at their fiftieth family reunion in Tennessee last July, what a wonderful experience, a blessing to be sure. My roots are 80% Irish/Scottish so, Happy St. Paddy’s Day to you all! Bring on the corn beef and cabbage!
Question of the Week: Where do you need to show up? For whom do you need to show up for?
