Blog for October 13th, 2025
Self Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a behavior or pattern of thought that negatively impacts one’s ability to achieve goals and realize potential. It refers to conscious or unconscious actions that hinder personal success, creating obstacles that prevent both personal and professional progress.
Characteristics of Self-Sabotage: Procrastination, Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, Excessive Self-Criticism, Denial, Success Sabotage. A person with an internal negative voice.
Keeping these definitions in mind, I am feeling compelled to discuss this issue. It has certainly been an ongoing trait of mine and overcoming it is long in the making. Unfortunately, it can be quite a sneaky, even low-key defect for a long while, until that moment when a decision- that could have lasting impact on my life needs to be made. For me, that first and most important one was not just getting clean and into recovery, it was about staying clean and into recovery.
Because after all, I did not believe I was worthy of a better life, of being healthy and having lasting positive results in my life regarding relationships, emotional well-being, and a career that I enjoyed and would see me through life and into retirement- comfortably. Nor was I worthy of having physical, mental and spiritual wellness. I do believe that I didn’t think I deserved to live a better life. And indeed, now we are delving into why I used drugs the way I did to begin with.
I have read that those of us who were raised in families that were, shall we say, “unstable”, dysfunctional, abusive and neglectful have a tendency to grow into adulthood using the self-sabotage technique to avoid dealing with stressful, unknown, situations that are scary, especially in relationships. We live with a fear of uncertainty and even a “what’s the use” attitude. Boy oh boy was that me! It still can be like that if I’m not paying attention!
That’s why I love the tenth step, taking a daily spot check, a little inventory of my behaviors, attitudes and actions each night shows me when those patterns are emerging. Then I can deal with the issue head on and not let it sabotage me or bring me down, derail me if you will. That’s quite a dangerous place for a recovering addict. Thank God for our steps and a way to cope with anxieties and fears.
In my early days of recovery, I would hear in meetings that us addicts do operate out of fear-based lives. The problem being, we fear losing something we have, and we fear not getting something we want or need. I was also taught that fear is “False Evidence Appearing Real” and oh yes indeed, more times than I can count! I am just so grateful that I came into the rooms to hear these things and find a group of people who understood that. They were people just like me. Broken, afraid (but I wouldn’t admit it then), so very uncertain- of everything.
OK then, there was the problem, I was self-sabotaging, out of fear, anxiety, stress, low self-esteem. For my first three years of recovery, I would enroll in the local community college and then once in class, I would cough and cough, I couldn’t think or hear the instructor. I would leave the classroom to get a drink of water and catch my breath. Other times, I’d get to class, and maybe be two minutes late, so I’d sit outside and rock back and forth, praying, feeling like crying. I would drop the class, for three years I did that! But, one thing I did do, was stay clean, no matter what and I kept coming back. I worked my steps, had a sponsor, went to meetings and started building a relationship with my Higher Power.
Slowly but surely, I was able to face my fears and turn fear into Face Everything and Recover! Indeed, easier said than done. But with my God’s help, the steps, the program a few people who cared about me and my recovery, I was able, one day at a time to do this recovery thing. Praise God. I was defeating self-sabotage, one issue at a time, one day at a time. Isn’t that great that we do not have to solve all our issues in one day! Yay!
I was also told, “don’t quit five minutes before the miracle”. And I know that “to thine own self be true” is very important. Cliché’s can get on my nerves at times, but when I think of them at just the right time and apply them, they have saved my life, so I do not discount them any longer. Especially the “keep coming back” chant. It is vital. I hope if you are like me and have these kinds of issues that are trying to take you out and derail your life- some more- I hope and pray that you will keep coming back until that miracle happens for you. Sit on your hands if you must, but please, do not give up.
Question of the Week: Are you a self-saboteur? If so, how’s that working out?
