Blog for October 3rd, 2022
Secrets, Integrity and recovery
This last week was pretty busy. Last Monday I tried to sub at a certain school, and it all went awry. I have some feelings over the whole incident, but it was a lesson learned. I won’t be going back to that school again. It was a case of manipulation and taking advantage of me. I have worked my steps and program long enough to be aware of who I am, and I am not willing to put up with being taking advantage of.
When I left the school, I went to the doctor’s office where my good friend was getting her leg looked at. She’d already been hospitalized for it the week before and now it was worsening again. By Thursday she was back in the hospital again. I’m very close to her and it’s been difficult to watch her suffer so much. But I’m happy to say that as I write this she is on the mend now.
As the week progressed, we started keeping our eye on Hurricane Ian, headed straight to Florida. We have relatives in Fort Myers where it hit the hardest.
Meanwhile, a sister friend in recovery had back surgery about a month ago and is still recovering, so when she felt up to it, she had a few special women over for a private meeting to lift her spirits. My sponsor was even there. It was small and quaint and full of honesty, bonding, healing, and recovery.
Meanwhile my best friend, who has several medical issues, took off for a trip abroad with a group of people from her church. I do worry about her and pray for her continually. I know she will be alright, but she is occupying my mind a great deal also.
Another thing occupying my mind is a situation within the family. I don’t want to go into details here, but I am hurt, sad and perplexed. I remember when I was new and doing my steps the first time, especially the fourth step. In that step we uncover, discover and discard- all the crap and pain from our past. One of the things I wrote about was secrets, family secrets. From what I can gather this past week, some family members are still playing that game. It’s a very painful game. I do not think keeping secrets or withholding information from one another is healthy. Not to mention, kind or loving. Secrets will tear a family apart, not bind them together.
Still, as the week progressed, I went about my business of living life and enjoying other family, like my great grandson’s 4th birthday and going to the lake park with them. The babies are adorable and make me smile and feel happy, I love them so much.
Moving onward and upward I had the privilege to go to another convention. How awesome is that? My second one within a months’ time. After not getting to go to any for the last three years, it was such a gift and a blessing. I got to see many people I haven’t seen in a very long time. I heard a lot of good speakers and heard things I needed to hear.
One such thing I heard about was integrity. That was a good meeting. Plus, I got to hang out with my son and his girlfriend for some of it and a sponsee and her husband. It was good. But always, in my thoughts was of my girl in the hospital again. She was having such an awful time of it. I started to fear she was gonna lose her leg.
To top that off, I got a call that a friend of ours in recovery had slipped into a coma, he had lung cancer and it spread throughout his body and into his bones even. He is in a lot of pain. As I write this, we are in prayer for him to have gentle passing from this earth. His wife was a good friend of mine and sister in recovery. She died from the same thing, it’s heartbreak all over again. They are both such good good people with many years of recovery, he has 43 years. He has been an inspiration and has helped to many people.
This last week held some new lessons and old ones revisited. Some good, some not so good. With secrets being the not good, and integrity the good one. They are quite the opposite of each other, aren’t they? I choose integrity, so I will move forward with prayer for that and the family that keeps secrets and withholds information and love. I choose recovery and I choose love.
Question of the Week: Are you keeping secrets? How is your integrity looking these days?
