Blog for December 12th, 2022
Quit Trying so Hard!
This was the expert advice I got from my sponsor yesterday! I just love her, when she said this to me, I had a huge spiritual awakening. It may sound simple and no big deal to ya’ll. And many people would have already been in this mode. It’s also known as – “letting go”. Yay!
I have such a giant relief, I’m almost ashamed to tell it, but I had been letting some “personalities” get in the way of me feeling comfortable in my local meetings. I have discussed this issue until I’ve made myself sick from it. I’ve prayed, written, and read many inspirational mediations, scriptures and when the topics seemed “applicable” I listened to countless people share in zoom meetings waiting for “my message” to deal with this issue that has been like a thorn in my side. Ridiculous. I have been ridiculous about this- so when she said, “quit trying so hard”, it was like permission to quit being ridiculous. For some reason, in that magical moment, I was relieved, I let it go. Boom!
Also, I have considered that fact that I have been letting this issue take up too much time and space in my being because it is deflecting me from other issues that I should be more concerned with. For instance, this last week has been the anniversary dates for several close friends and relatives that have passed away. Also, I stress and worry about my husband, my house, my relationships with our kids. Yep, there’s plenty to deflect from.
It’s not that I haven’t continued to work on all those issues too, but again, my sponsor’s sage advice, “quit trying so hard”, works well here too. If my kids and grandkids want closer relationships, here we are. My husband and I do our part to nurture those relationships as best we can, but we’d like to see some effort on their part too. We are always here for them all.
Another place I can apply this advice is with my sponsees. I am holding a twice monthly zoom meeting with them as we read, learn, and discuss the Guiding Principles NA book. It’s about the NA traditions. I am really enjoying this nice piece of literature. But of about twelve possible participants, only a couple ever show up. It’s disappointing, but I am not going to try any harder to get them to come than I already do.
I send out group reminder texts and encourage my sponsee’s and they can invite their sponsees to attend, the rest is up to them. I have already decided to keep moving forward with it because “I” want to read this text and learn from it. In fact, it’s been one of the inspirational pieces of literature that I have been getting the good ideas about letting go, giving it to God, and loving others that think and act different from me.
Guiding Principles, our traditions, also goes deeper into helping me understand that we all belong, we all have our place here- in the rooms of recovery. We, well I, need to embrace and rejoice in our differences, our creative differences too. Just because I don’t agree with the way some people do things in recovery, or even if they are pushy and controlling about it, I still need to give them room for their own growth and recovery. Yes, it can be annoying, but at least they are trying. For whatever reasons, maybe it’s to be controlling and popular, or whatever, at least they are still trying to be helpers.
Therefore, its none of my business how others do their recovery or how they put their ideas onto others and the groups. I can either accept it or reject it, get on board, or get on to the next great thing. It’s not my struggle.
Her solution for me was simple, obvious, and much needed. Truly, I have been set free, one more time. But it’s all up to me, if it doesn’t fall into place, if it doesn’t work into the ebb and flow of life or if I feel I have to try so hard to match up some of my feelings with their actions, I would always be so out of sorts. And indeed, I was, until yesterday, thank-you my beautiful sponsor.
When I am not all stoved up with nagging issues in the back of my head and heart, I am so free. Free to be me and to create. To love and to feel comfortable in my own skin. I love that! Now that’s the way to go! That’s a good feeling.
Question of the Week: Have you been trying too hard? Is it time to let go?
