Blog for January 23, 2023
Identity: The unique set of characteristics that can be used to identify a person as themselves and no one else. It can refer to a sense of self, meaning how they view themselves as compared to other people.
Identity
Who are you? What are you? How are you? Identity is very important. Who are you can be answered in terms of: A person/human being, a woman, a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin and so on. In terms of What are you, I’d say almost the same as who but also add, Christian, teacher, sponsor, writer, hiker, photographer, housekeeper, cook, and so on. How am I? I am content, happy, sad, tired, rested. It can change day to day.
We have one of a kind unique fingerprint that identify us. We have profiles about us, in places like social media, that may or may not truly identify you. We also have profiles in our workplaces and maybe even in court/law settings. We have our own set of abilities and disabilities as well as talents, our politics, religion or spirituality, our race, color, creed. Our age is a big one in America. Our nationality. Our identities can give us a sense of belonging and confidence.
I found out that there are up to eight types of socially constructed identities: race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, ability, religion/spirituality, nationality and socioeconomic. Another definition had race, ethnicity, gender, age sexual orientation physical attributes, personality, political, religious beliefs and professional identities. I also found a blog by Jennifer Holbus, MBA, MDD, CMP that sited the three C’s. They are Clarity, Consistency, Constancy. These last three were suggestions for people who are looking to find their “Brand”. To declare themselves something or another. But I can see how that could just work for an individual and self-identity, not because you are trying to sell something or convince others that you are all about your brand.
Then there are people, like me, who closely identify with their addictions. Whether it be sports, art, music, drugs, alcohol, porn, sex, fishing, running, the list goes on and on. Because, even though it’s been over thirty-seven years since I’ve used drugs I still identify as an addict. Because I am not guaranteed my recovery, I could choose to pick up a drug and use any day. In no time I’d be worse off than when I got clean. So, I don’t try to brush my identity of being a drug addict under the table and pretend I’m ok now. I’m not. I will always be a drug addict, whether I’m actively using or not.
However, addict is not my only identity, it is something I carry with me. My first choice for telling someone who I am is a child of God. This is a choice, not necessarily a birthright until I made that choice. I am also a “recovering addict”, again, by choice. By birth I am human, female, Caucasian/Irish, a mix. I was born with red hair, brown eyes and desires to have fun, write, dance, listen to music, learn, love. This is who I am.
Whatever or whoever you identify as it is your own choice up to a certain degree. I believe in the adage, “to Thine own self be true”. Even Popeye said it best with, “I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam.” And one of my most favorites of our current times, “you do you and I’ll do me.” Or “You be you and I’ll be me.” Well, you get the point. We can reinvent ourselves if we want, in fact, that’s usually a fun and intriguing thing to do. Like with the three C’s idea. But, for me, the best thing I can ever be is me. My authentic self, be for real and grow from what I was born to be, with my God’s help that is. I have spent way too much time trying to mold myself into something others needed me to be, it is miserable way to be. You just never feel quite right.
Once we find out who we are or figure out who we want to be, or what we want to become, then we are on mission to become the best me I can be at that. Whether it’s a husband, a singer, a teacher, a dancer, scientist, politician, artist, clergy or spiritual leader and so on we head towards that goal, that dream, that need to be who we have decided we want to be.
Once we’ve pretty much accomplished that goal, we may tend to perfect it as best we can. However, if we fail at our attempts to become who we think we should be, then we may give up hope and abandon our pursuits. This very act will and does leave many people feeling like failures.
For the addict, this can be a giant setback before they even begin really. As a recovering person I can tell you that I felt like a nobody, a failure, a loser because I did not and could not seem to find my “niche”. I worked in whatever I could get and that was only when I was up to it. Dealing drugs became a “go to” profession (I wasn’t very good at it, because I kept dipping into the products I was supposed to sell for profit).
In recovery I started to learn about me and to develop a relationship with my Higher Power, whom I call God. As that relationship grew, my clarity, focus and desires also grew. I started remembering the dreams I use to have when I was younger. Dreams I lost because the drugs and feelings of failure set in. The feeling of incompetence has been with me since childhood. Even to this day. And dealing drugs is a low-down, no-good job that makes you feel more like the scrum of the earth, if you are honest with yourself about it. Some people feel like they are king of the mountain when dealing.
But recovery enabled me to pursue goals even though I did not feel competent to do so. It becomes “audacity” to go after something that deep inside you do not really feel worthy of or competent to achieve, but my God was sending me different signals. And even if I do achieve a degree in psychology or music or whatever, how do I know I will really be able to be good at it? The audacity of me to think I would be!
When I was in my master’s program for education, we were told that many people think they want to teach, but once they get in there and start working at it, they leave soon after. It’s not as easy as they thought it would be. I suspect that this happens in many different fields. Once they put that idea in my head it concerned me, but I stayed the course and received that master’s in education. So, I can add college graduate to my identity repertoire.
So, who am I? What am I? Why am I? I have sought these answers for most of my life, but I did not get sincere about knowing until I got clean. I ended up being a counselor and a teacher, I still am. I ended up in a close, personal relationship with Jesus and with my husband. I am still working on other relationships. All of it is ongoing and fluid. I don’t think any of us ever arrive. But we certainly keep trying and working towards our goals.
My biggest goal or rather desire, is my relationship with my God. Nothing is more important. Searching for His will for me tells me that I need to be a servant, I need to be loving and kind and always seeking a closer relationship with Him. I try.
Who am I? I am a child of God, a woman in recovery who desires to carry the message. And I know that if I can do it, so can you. I am wife, mother, all those things I mentioned in the beginning, but mostly, I am love, that is what my God intends for me. I yam what I yam. I’m just going to continue to be me and let everyone else be them.
Question of the Week? Who are you? Are you what you want to be?
