Have I done enough?
A couple of days ago I was going somewhere, thinking about certain things and wondering if I’ve done enough? I was thinking about how I screwed my life up the first 31 years and then got clean. I began getting right with God and trying to live a life of repenting and making up for my past – one day at a time- ever since.
I’ve tried to serve others, make a good living for us, be there for my kids, grandkids, family, especially my husband, sponsees and others that God puts in my path along the way.
I was kinda asking myself that because along the lines of feeling sorry for myself I get kind of sad that I’m not closer to my kids or sponsees. They don’t really call or come by or want to meet or anything. So, I ask myself, “haven’t I done enough Lord?” I mean haven’t I done enough to make it right with them? I love them all and enjoy their company, our conversations, and our times together.
Don’t they know that I need them too? That I want them to be a part of my life, and me a part of theirs? I’m not sure if I’ve done enough. But I think I’ve done what I can. I’ve tried to do what God has led me to do. I’ve been praying for His will for a long long time.
Yet, it really comes down to me thinking I’ve got something more coming than I’m getting, in the way of attention from others. And yesterday I was proven wrong in my thinking. My beautiful daughter hosted me a great birthday party by her lake and that alone was awesome and uplifting, then you throw in my son, who was there, cooking burgers and handling the music, my music. 😊
Yet, I know I have enough, I sure have enough shoes, shorts, sweaters, stuff. I have enough friends and people in my life. I have enough projects and hobbies to keep me busy till I die and beyond. I have enough food. I have enough of everything. And because I have God, I have enough love. But I have I done enough?
The party was just getting started and then, to my surprise, two of my oldest friends, I used drugs with and have been in recovery with my whole clean time, came walking up! Bobbie just took 39 years; I have 38.6 and KK has 37. We’ve been through a whole lot together and these two are not in the best of shape and yet, traveled here to surprise me from out of state! Wow!
Am I blessed or what? I am. So when I ask, “have I done enough?” I’m still not sure of that answer really, all I know is that I’ve done my best to give back. I try to give back because I am so grateful for what has so freely been given to me. It may not always “feel” like I’m being loved and cared about by others, but I think maybe I am.
My kids have busy lives and go through their own stuff. I try to always keep that in mind, it’s just I miss them so much sometimes. I miss hanging out with them. The same is true for my sponsees. They don’t seem to have time to call or text for weeks at a time. I pray for them all every day, but maybe I should pray for me to be more patient or something.
Maybe I should also quit being so self-centered and quit thinking that people need to reach out to me more. In that case maybe I have done enough. I’ve stepped up when I feel that the Lord wants me to, I’ve made myself totally available to my kids, family, sponsees and my everyday surroundings.
Today is my birthday and it’s a big milestone, at least for me. I am in about the 15% of Americans. Which means there are 85% younger than me. Dang. But I suppose that’s why I ask myself the question, “have I done enough”? I feel like I need to do whatever it is God put me on the planet for, to do His will and live a life that He wants me to. Have I done it? I don’t know. Again, I’ve tired, but has it been enough? Yet, I do know that God is good.
I remember a little story, post or whatever I read a long time ago about “Enough”, I will leave you with that.
Question of the Week: Do you feel you are doing your share? Is it enough?
