Blog for December 11th, 2023
Grief during Holidays
I know this is our happy time of year, holidays, and all, but that’s not entirely true for everyone. Try as we may, grief is ever present, no matter how long it’s been since a loved one has been gone, this time of year can heighten the sensitive and nostalgic feelings we all tend to have.
That might be ok for a lot of people, but for some, it causes their feelings to get out of control. Certain songs, movies, gatherings, and family time can prove to be a little too much.
Today is the anniversary of my sister’s passing. It’s been twenty-six years, but I always miss her. Tomorrow is my best friend’s husband’s anniversary of only two years since he passed away. My husband had sponsored him, and he was a good friend of ours for many years. My best friend is having a hard time with her feelings this year. It’s like the shock is lifting and the reality of her husband death is kicking in.
Many people have some kind of tribute or routine they do in honor of their loved ones. Some of us like to have distractions during the more sensitive time (and other times throughout the year) of these feelings. That’s where the addict can get into trouble. Using can be a distraction. An expensive and unhealthy distraction. A life-threatening distraction.
We all know what will take our feelings away, especially when they become too overwhelming. Sometimes it’s tough to ride them out, and for me, without help from my Higher Power, it is impossible to continue to face this life. And since this time of year is all about my Higher Powers birthday, it would only be fitting that I lean on him and ask him to help me through any pain and suffering I may have. That’s what He came for.
But here’s the thing, grief is not just a one and done shot, it does not leave just because the funeral is over or a years’ worth of birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays without them have gone by. Grief never leaves. Maybe we do not feel it intensely all the time or as often as we once did, but it is always there. If you were tightly and strongly connected to your loved one that passed, you will always be connected to them and always grieve their absence. It is buried deep inside of you.
If you do not relate to what I’m saying, then be thankful. But if you live long enough, I’m afraid you may have this experience. If it takes you by surprise, first of all, just know, you are not alone, it just feels like it. Second, call your friends, sponsor, and support group. Go to meetings, share if you can, and wait for it to pass, it will. I know that my sister would not like it one bit if I got loaded over my feelings about her. That would not honor her at all.
It’s ok to have feelings, deep, sad feelings. But it’s not ok to use or drink over them, they will pass. You can even call a hotline or get on a zoom meeting. Write, pray, pray and write! Give your feelings to God. They do not have to be squished, feel them, and invite your Higher Power to help soothe them.
I don’t mean to be a Debbie downer at this joyous holiday time, but these are the realities of life and we must be honest and meet them head on.
Question of the Week: Are you mourning the loss of a loved one? Even if it’s been years, the holidays tend to bring back so many memories, and that’s ok, remember. Here’s a couple of ideas.
