Blog for January 8th, 2024
Follow Your Feelings
We’ve all heard of “follow your dreams”, but what about following our feelings? What does that even mean? Well, as I was writing in my “pages” this week, ( a term from the Artist Way), I was trying to decide on something and I couldn’t quite figure out. I could not decide on how exactly to proceed so I just wrote, “I will follow my feelings”.
I guess this is akin to following your gut instincts, or to following the nudges you might get from God, your Higher Power, or just having a feeling about something. That happens to me often and sometimes, it has turned out to be a very dangerous or serious matter if I would not have stopped and listened to my “gut”, the spirit within, like the Holy Spirit, or just something. Sometimes, it’s not explainable, I’m sure you know what I mean.
Since I have been clean and in recovery I try to “listen”, to watch for this feeling and give it consideration. Sometimes, maybe, I’m being over cautious because of past experiences. But I have made a personal decision in my life to err on the side of caution and be thought of as silly, overprotective, a fraidy cat or whatever than to not follow that feeling that has been serving me pretty well.
I remember way back in the day, early in my using time in the late sixties, when I would have a “feeling” to not go into the house, that party, that car with them, or him and many times, it proved to be a true case of it would have been all bad. On other occasions I was too loaded to pay attention to that feeling and yet, I also had an element of liking to “live on the edge” sort to speak, so I went for it and most every time, I was sorry for it.
I should have listened to my gut feelings. Therefore, in recovery I try to pay attention and listen to my feelings. Not only that, I lean into them, I look for them. I know I have the Holy Spirit in me as a guide and it’s so awesome, it’s beautiful. But in order to be comfortable with that I had to change and surrender a few destructive and polluted things about myself. It’s been a process for sure, I was not an easy nut to crack at first.
With all that said, “following my feelings” has become an everyday, most of the time deal. So when I was writing in my Pages about following my feelings with a certain path and process I was not just putting off my goals or responsibilities, I just was not sure the path my Higher Power would have me to do, so I am willing to wait up until the moment of when the action is required to do what I must, listening to my gut. I know that my God will provide me with what I need to get the job done then. I am learning to listen to my thoughts and ideas, learning to trust myself and my gut feelings.
A lot of women who have been in abusive type relationships, have trouble with this. Verbal abuse at its best is called gaslighting and after some time in such a relationship, a person can begin to doubt themselves and their feelings, this is a very difficult and
toxic thing to come back from. We begin to believe it ourselves. We think our thoughts and feelings are wrong because someone else, someone who wants to control us, told us that we were wrong and had broken thinking. This is not true, and it takes a lot of work to come back from that place.
If you are not already doing so, learn to believe your gut feelings, I believe they are God given and help guide you along your path if you but heed their warnings. It seems we all have a pretty good idea of knowing right from wrong, don’t ignore that.
Follow your feelings to wherever they lead to, it might be quite an adventure (I love adventures). With a lot of unknowns and scary thoughts such as, what if I can’t handle going back to school and flunk my classes? OK, what if? If you don’t try, you will not ever know. I try to live a life with no regrets, I flunked algebra three times before I finally passed with a “B”, so I could get my degree, and I did. You too can keep at it until you get whatever or wherever you want. I refused to cheat, so it took me that many times.
Another side to this topic is pushing through the negative feelings, the painful and sad feelings, the frightening feelings, so I can come out the other end and feel the freedom of letting go of the pain. This can be about working our steps, especially the 4th step, or about mopping my dining room when my back is killing me, it must be done, so I pray up and push through the pain. Whatever painful or negative feeling I’m feeling, I must push through.
My heart is breaking for my bestie as she is going through some deep, painful feelings grieving the loss of her husband, he was a victim of Covid 19. He would have thirty-five years clean now if he had lived. She keeps saying that she is sorry for her feelings and she doesn’t know how to control them. I suggest to her, feel your feelings, do not push them away. You have a right to your feelings. I mostly just listen as she expresses her pain, if I could fix it for her, I would. She has had a tremendous loss.
Meanwhile, I know I must keep “my house in order”, so I can feel the feelings and signals that my God is sending me. I hope you never have that kind of pain, but if you do, rest assured, it can be met with and handled, just pray and follow your feelings.
Question of the Week: Do you listen to your gut and follow your feelings?
