Blog for January 29th, 2024
Day of Days!
Wow Whee! What a week! I know I say that a lot, but this week, I had “THE Day of Days”. OK, quick back story, as with many alcoholic and drug addicted families, the family lineage can get a little confusing if not just downright whack!
For me, I was raised believing one guy was my dad, he never lived with us, but I’d see him from time to time and as a teenager I often hit him up for money for drugs and partying. I’d tell him it was to go to a dance or game or buying clothes. He was a pretty nice guy; my brother told me this week that he was his favorite stepdad. We had a lot of them so that’s saying something.
Then came a day when my mom took me to DMV for my drivers permit and she had to show my birth certificate, that is at the point she told me that Mr. S was not my dad, but now Mr. W is my real dad. He signed the birth certificate. But there has been a cloud of mystery behind him too. He never lived with us either. A few years ago, my husband found that family on some search and I went and met my cousin and uncle. They gave me pictures and stuff. Yay, I have a family!
At some point, those people dropped me like a hot potato, and it hurt me all over again, a lot of rejection. Then around 2016 I took a DNA test and then a year or so later, another one. Then I started thinking that the guy on my birth certificate was not really my dad, eye color did not genetically pan out either. So, I finally thought, ok, I’ll put up the other guys name and made a family tree with Mr. S name and waited to see if I’d get any hits on it. It said from time to time I had a “hint”. It never worked out. Whatever. I gave up. Meanwhile my email got all screwed up with them DNA sites, so I just let it go.
Last summer, my granddaughter started doing some family tree stuff and kept asking me a bunch of questions, it was very embarrassing to tell her I couldn’t answer her questions, I didn’t know anything about my about paternal side, there’s nothing there, zero. After years of having DNA out there even.
This week, there was a chain of events that ended up leading me to my real, biological family. The real dad never knew I existed; he died in 1974 in a drunk driving accident. But I do have two living brothers. I spoke to one on the phone and then on zoom, just yesterday. Wow!
The real dad is Mr. F and no one, I mean no one ever knew about him and he never knew about me. I am floored. But I am processing and starting to feel the truth of it all. So, “The Day of Days” was January 26th, 2024 when I finally found the other half of me! My family. Wow! I was pretty whack for a few days and I’m still coming down from it all. But I can tell you this, God has had His hand on me the whole time and I mean the whole time of my whole life.
I realize that I am not alone in this kind of family saga, it happens in “nice” families even, but in alcoholic and addict families, it’s quite common really. But for me, my story is my story and it happened and is happening to me at this time. The unfolding of a lifetime, my lifetime.
The biggest message here: don’t let past circumstances, especially your parents’ actions, stop you from moving forward and becoming who God intends you to be. Many people use this stuff as an excuse to use and drink and run amuck and run around making more babies who will also grow up to be lost and confused. The question “who am I really?” was forever present for me. Don’t let that happen to you.
I am so grateful for my recovery despite my life’s circumstances, there’s so much more to this issue, but too much to write in one little blog. It’s just, this situation is happening NOW. I will be going back east in July to meet the clan at a fifty-year family reunion. Wow!
I can also say, that after doing all I could do about finding my real dad, I pretty much gave up, I should not have, God had me. NA has always told me, more will be revealed. Letting go and letting God, even with my daily life and ups and downs has been the best thing of my life, and this week, I had more evidence of this, on the Day of Days, when my life finally came all together. Thank you, Lord.
Question of the Week: Do you have missing family? Missing pieces of you? Keep on letting go and letting God, you never know what might show up.
