Blog for May 6th, 2024
Ah Man, Do I Have To?
Again, this week has brought good, bad, pain, suffering, joy, happiness and everything in between. After a month of helping my good friend deal with the pain of her father-in-law having surgeries and being put on life support, the time has come to let him go. I am fervently praying for him and the family. It is so sad.
I have been dealing with my own feelings about things, trying to work through it all as best I can. My sponsor tells me to “quit trying so hard”. I totally agree with that. I do try too hard with some things, like my service to NA and others. I just want to give back what has been so freely given to me.
I also had the joy of giving one of my awesome sponsee’s a fourteen-year cake and then the next day working step twelve with another sponsee. These things bring me joy and make me feel like my efforts might matter.
But I have to tell ya, in talking with a member of NA this week, it was kind of sad to me that she views texting her sponsor on a regular basis, working steps and being of service as such a burden and a chore. I’ve been thinking about her attitude towards it all, I’m really surprised she does any of it, grudgingly, but she kind of does it.
The thing is, I get excited about doing all those things. I love talking to my sponsor, working my steps, and working steps with sponsees. I love being of service and going to a good meeting, especially when some friends are there. I love carrying the message, giving back and telling people how they too can get clean and get a better life.
I feel the same way about school. When I was in college, I enjoyed learning. There were a couple of math classes I could do without, but when I was in my graduate classes, I soaked it up. Because this was my calling, and I wanted a career doing my calling, teaching and writing. Also, when I am paying for something, I want my money’s worth.
I have retired from one job, but still teach at the college and this last week I was included in on a plan to check the feasibility of a new addiction program at the college. I am excited and thrilled about being included on such a team. I am not thinking “oh man, I have more to do?” I am thinking, “wow! How blessed am I to be on this team and develop a new program at this college I love!”
Maybe the problem for that one member and a few others is that they forgot the price they paid to get here. Many people die before they get their chance at recovery. Thirty-nine years later, I am still so grateful for my clean time and recovery that I want to pay back what has been so freely given to me. But I can’t, the more I try, the more I get, but I keep trying. I am still of service. Being of service is very rewarding, especially in the fact that it keeps me clean while helping others.
I also feel the same way about my faith and how God has been so good to me, and I want to share about Him and all He has done for me over these thirty-nine years, I am happy and grateful not “oh man, do I have to”? When I am teaching, especially when I taught elementary school, I tried to impart the joy of learning and fill them with gratitude. I would tell them about how some kids in some places do not get the privilege of going to school, especially for free. Plus, we give away free breakfast and lunch at the schools and have summer programs where they pass out weekly food to them for free. That’s exciting too.
I had to learn to adjust my thinking when I first got clean and quit saying “oh man, do I have to?” to “oh boy, thank you Lord, I get to… go to work, go to school, go to meetings, raise my kids, clean the house, help my mom, work my steps, open a meeting, be of service, sponsor, give back to others… I GET to, I don’t have to.
Question of the Week:
How is your mindset for doing the things that make your life a thousand times better?
