Blog for November 11th, 2024
Tolerance: “The ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.”
If you are a Veteran, thank you for your service, I mean that sincerely, not as a cliché. There are many men and women who died or got maimed on behalf of keeping me (and you) free and living in a democracy. Many lived and died in intolerable circumstances. Which brings me to the next obvious fact of the week.
We do indeed have a new president here in the good ol US of A. I for one am happy that the TV commercials, news, and campaign stuff has ended. It was becoming intolerable. I would fast forward, change the channel or mute.
No matter who you voted for here in the USA, we are all American’s, we are all brothers and sisters so to speak. I pray for peace, healing and comfort for us all, amen. Tolerance will be the name of the game. We must learn to accept each other for who we are and to try to get along in this world so we can live peacefully, securely and safely. That’s called our “God given rights”. And I believe that is His will for us all.
Tolerance sometimes has to be an acquired characteristic for us. Maybe, as babies we are born with a degree of tolerance or of acceptance. We don’t know any better than to go along with our families wishes and when we get fed, changed, hugged, schooled and so on.
It is out of our control from birth until at least three or so. That’s when we do start to gain some independence, even at two, toddlers try things their way. A toddler will push the limits and see how much they can get away with before their parents stop the insanity. Lol. Hence, the “terrible two’s” and “troublesome three’s”.
That’s probably when we begin to develop some tolerance. We soon find out that we can’t get everything we want, and life does not always go our way. By the time children start school, even pre-school, they begin to learn to share and let others take turns with them. This is a learning of tolerance.
Yet, as grown adults it seems we can easily digress. We see so many adults throwing tantrums when they don’t get their way. Tantrums come in many forms, from anything from riots, breaking windows, smashing other – (innocent peoples) property- to withholding love, food, conversation, money, passage, and kind words.
Still, there is another form of intolerance, at least for me there is. I may not act out or even say anything, but inside of me, and I don’t think I’m alone on this, there is a seething attitude. I am not accepting of others’ opinions or actions. Some people’s behavior is entirely intolerable for me. Like beating their kids, spouses, or anyone. Like taking what isn’t theirs and destroying property and lives. Like adults putting children down and crushing their spirits. All of these are very unacceptable to me. Sure, I can have tolerance, for some things, not all.
What I have had to learn in my recovery about tolerating others is their right to a different opinion or different way of life. A different way of recovery, a different way to get things done. I have had to learn to tolerate people in meetings who go on and about their using days and ugly stuff they did. I really don’t want to hear that. That is for their sponsor to hear.
I have become much more tolerant of children, their mistakes, their noise and haphazard ways. They are cute and they are just learning in this life. Be kind and patient with children. I’m pretty tolerant of todays’ teenage fashions and style, music and thought systems. My mom and her generation were not that tolerant of my generation’s clothes, music and behaviors. But the teenagers are still learning and growing, finding out who they are in this world. It took me a long time to find me, so I get it.
I have often had to learn to be tolerant of someone learning a new instrument, their lines or words in a play or to a song. A new dance or anything that is new. Who my kids have dated and married. I have to also be tolerant with myself, and I’m afraid I haven’t always been so tolerant of me learning new things or I’d be writing songs instead of blogs. I’d be playing the guitar or acting in the local play at the college and so on.
However, I am not very good at tolerating disrespect. Not to me or anyone. Especially from teenagers and young adults. I have also had to work on tolerating family members who are inconsiderate and thoughtless about our feelings. Again, I can only tolerate up to a certain point and then I snap. That doesn’t mean I yell, cry or throw those tantrums. It means that it is more of an inside job for me to deal with. I can pray, let it go and make the hard decisions to not purposefully be around such relatives.
And just for the fun of it, I’ve got to tell you that traffic has always been a source of teaching me patience and tolerance. I’ve gotten so much better in that respect. Thank goodness, with all this road rage stuff going on these days I don’t think I’d have made it!
I hope you have not found this blog too intolerable but have found it as food for thought. I just know that for me to learn tolerance I have to practice open mindedness, willingness, gratitude, and self-reflection. I need to practice empathy, compassion and be respectful, mindful, curious and a good listener. Plus, I am always open to a good debate, with another adult who is calm and cordial and intelligent about what they are talking about.
Tolerance can be taught; it can be learned, and it can be rewarding. Helping us all to live more harmoniously among our neighbors and mankind in general. As they say, we must learn to disagree without being disagreeable.
Question of the Week: Are you a tolerant person?
