Blog for May 12th, 2025
A little More Growth!
I feel on the cusp of something, why? Well, because my attitude has shifted on a couple of different matters, and because of some interesting things that have opened up at work in the development of reinstating our Drug & Alcohol program. Plus, my writing is exploding and that makes me feel so good. I am feeling like my God really, truly has His hand in all this.
Meanwhile, I’m also having a bit of a metamorphosis in my attitude about trying to help others. About believing in my heart of hearts that someone I have tried to help has been lying to me, but boy oh boy is she good at it. I’ve always taken her with a grain of salt and maybe given her the benefit of the doubt because she is a woman alone with a son and in recovery. I wanted to help her in some way, to encourage her in her recovery and be there for her, but over the couple of ‘years I’ve tried, I kept catching her in lies and half truths that I never really confronted her about.
Well, I was ready to have a gentle conversation with her and so I asked her if she’d like to go to lunch. After a few different tries at times and a day, we settled on a day, last Tuesday. However, true to form, that morning she texted me with an excuse not to go out to lunch with me. I knew she was lying with her lame excuse and called her on it. I just said it sounded like BS, and it did and I’m not sorry I said it. I have my theories about why she did that, but that’s not important right now, I told you this backstory to make sense of what I am wanting to share about myself.
It sometimes takes courage to let go, to quit trying to fix or help someone, especially the ones who are gaslighting you into thinking they do want your help, when they don’t. Not everyone wants what you want, even if it’s good for them. Over my years on this planet, I’ve learned that lesson over and over again.
Although I’m getting better and more reserved about “being there” for everyone who I think “needs” me, I still have these little slips sometimes. It’s like, I think I’m answering God’s call when I’m helping. I’m beginning to see that God doesn’t really operate like that, if He is the one sending me to help, then he will open the hearts of the ones He wants me to help. If I keep hitting brick walls with people, then it’s probably my idea, not His. He will open the doors, for me and for them.
There will come a time when I am not feeling right about the so-called help I’m trying to give. Nor do I feel right about letting go either about backing away from them. Yet, it becomes necessary to just let them go. For my own mental and spiritual health. For my own recovery. For my own life. Afterall, who do I think I am? God?
Moving on, I am learning to trust my God more and more and to lean into positive thoughts, feelings and attitudes. Of course
that’s impossible 100% of the time, but I am loving the effort that I’ve been putting into it. I am embracing the positive feelings, the happy occasions, the loving moments and grateful feelings more and more. I stop and recognize these feelings and smile and thank the Lord. Quite often I say something out loud to my sweet husband. Like, “I love you Love”, or “I am feeling happy and content just being right here, right now with you, in our cozy little home, just being us, just being together. He is everything to me and I couldn’t love him more if I tried, I couldn’t be more grateful for him if they gave me a bottle of grateful juice to drink.
With all that going on for me, just because I stayed clean, a day at a time, work my steps, go to meetings, be of service, help others, call my sponsor, trust God and pray and write continually, just because of that, I am rejoicing in the payoff, the contentment and the letting go of the negative and the need to help those who do not want it or appreciate it.
Oh yes, how grateful I am for it all, the good, the bad, the ups and downs, the happiness and sadness that we’ve endured. What a gift, what a truly amazing life. Yes, I’m embracing it these days, you bet your sweet bippy I am.
Question of the Week: Are you able to change your negative feelings of pain and discontent in for a more positive, content life?
