Blog for June 1st, 2026
Farewells and Belongings
This weekend centered on farewell parties. First, I attended one for a sponsee who retired from teaching and is moving far away. Then I went to another for a friend in recovery whom I’ve known since the day she walked through the doors forty years ago; she is also moving out of state. I hate to see friends leave, but I also know they need to follow where God is leading them, and I pray for good and wonderful things for both of them.
The farewells themselves were one thing, but after attending both events this weekend, I did not feel like I belonged. I sat alone for a while at each one. At my sponsee’s party, a kind older woman came over and talked with me, and I enjoyed our conversation.
At my old friend’s party—maybe I should say acquaintance’s party—I brought someone whose sponsor was there, and he knew a few people, though not very well. He left me sitting alone while he talked with his sponsor for a while. It felt awkward, just as it had the day before. I’m not sure why I bothered going; I suppose I had unrealistic expectations.
I did get a few minutes to talk with both of them, which is about what I would expect at events where they were the center of attention. Oh well—c’est la vie. It was a reminder that I, or we, do not belong everywhere, even when invited. Still, this feeling of not belonging or fitting in can leave me feeling sad and less than. Those are feelings I used to numb, so I’ve been doing a lot of self-talk to remind myself that sometimes I do fit in.
Doing daily meditations with my husband has helped ease some of the pain. I told him that I know him and Jesus love me, and with that, I will be okay. Some people do not even have that, and that would be very sad. I am grateful for the love and blessings I have.
The thing is, I have chosen a different path than the group that was at my friends’ party today and that’s ok. As long as we’re all moving forward and staying clean and sober and growing in our recovery.
I ain’t gonna lie, I miss a lot of people I was very close to, and I have to find some new friends. And within the fellowship, like at local meetings, there is me and my husband when he feels like going, he is not well, and we have over forty-one years clean, the majority of the addict’s attending meetings are a lot younger with about three years clean on average. Some have a little more, some have a lot less. There are a couple of guys that come to a meeting now and then in our area with about twenty years clean. Still, that is a big gap.
My kids are way too busy for me, except on special occasions, my family, what’s left of them, are far away and also busy. Things have definitely shifted in my world, and I struggle to find where I fit in and belong. I do gravitate to zoom meetings and work. I looked up ways to fit in and feel like I belong. I know I can’t be the only one, so…
Here’s some ideas I found: “fitting in is achieved by balancing authenticity with curiosity.” – Find common ground, show genuine interest in others, go to places that align with your own values and passions. Join clubs, groups and be a volunteer where people are already bonded over mutual passion. Go where you can meet like minded people. Remember details about perspective friends, use positive body language and eye contact. Try smiling. 😊 I would even add, don’t be a gloomy Gus, whining Willie or Debbie downer, Lol.
I also know that you cannot force your way into other people’s lives and make them accept you. But you can find a group or others that you have commonalities with and start making connections. Twelve-step meetings for those of us in recovery and church for believers are a couple of good places to start.
I personally would like to find a group that enjoys writing and maybe talking about grandkids, ha. I hope you all will always feel like you belong, somewhere, somehow, to someone. God Bless
Question of the Week: Do you fit in somewhere?
