Blog for July 27, 2026,
Willingness
It’s 3:47am and I can not sleep, then it occurred to me I hadn’t written my blog for the week, so here I am. At least I have something to do in the middle of the night! I have a few things running through my brain right now, probably why I can’t sleep, mixed with these very warm summer nights, and ugh! Here I am.
The biggest thing on my mind and I hope I can say this without crying- is that my daughter is moving, kind of a long way. I can drive there in about eight hours, but that’s a pretty good stretch, I can barely get over to see her when she lived thirty minutes away. So, because of her moving and because my grandson, the doctor, her son, has been in town with his cute little family, we’ve been quite busy. Saturday, she hosted a party for him with his family and his friends. Which turned out to be pretty nice. My husband and I went early due to our cooler going out as it was 110 degrees that day. I was not willing to sit in the heat here and wait until my son got to town to fix it.
After the party, my son came back to the house with us and fixed it, praise the Lord! Talk about an oven! I’m so grateful for him coming and fixing it. It took a couple hours to cool the house down. Meanwhile, I myself am going through a shift in attitudes and what I am and am not willing to do these days. It’s not just because it’s the dog days of summer that I have slowed down quite a bit, yes, the heat can make me sick, so I have to pace myself. But it’s more than that, I have been of service for all of my forty-one years of recovery and the last two or three years I’ve really done too much, but now I have it down to one simple commitment, besides sponsoring that is and for now, I’m ok with that. It’s what I am willing to do.
I have to tell myself that is ok to start stepping back and let the younger members take over. I have to tell myself that it’s ok my daughter is moving away on her own, away from all of us and her husband and twins. Yes, they are over nineteen and work and go to college and have their own lives, but this was unexpected from my daughter. I have to be willing to let go and let God, she has her own life, right? I just know that I love her no matter what and she always has my support.
Meanwhile, at work, I’ve been dealing with a very difficult student who just can’t see her way clear of getting her last assignment and final done and so she has been given an extension, and I am not happy about it. Her lack of willingness to complete her assignments clogs up the whole, turning my grades in and being on break for a few days before the Fall term starts. But it’s not that simple and I am losing the willingness to keep putting up with her excuses. So, you see there, my willingness is waning.
I have a dear friend who is back out using again, breaking everyone’s heart, including mine, but I am not willing to hunt her down and beg her to quit. She has been coming around for twenty-six years and she has had long stretches of recovery. She knows what to do if she wants to quit. I can’t fix anybody and I’m not even willing to try anymore. Especially when I know they know what to do and have lived a better life. She’s a smart lady and knows the difference. I got a call from one of her friends, crying, who just figured out that our friend is using, I’ve known for a few months. My advice is to pray for her, love her, and not give her any money. If she comes to my door for help, I will help her in a heartbeat, but I’m not hunting and begging. I am not willing to do that; it just makes us all crazy.
What I have been willing to do is work on me: Exercise every day, write, eat healthy and eat a lot less, read about things I want to read and learn more about. Have meals with friends and sponsees, have zoom meetings with them, be with my husband, kids and grandkids. Spend more time in God’s Word. I am still focused on Step Eleven and so I watch Dr. Stanly and other YouTube videos about God’s will. See, that’s it, it’s all about His will, not mine. In His time, my daughter will find her way, my friend will find her way, my grandkids too and of course, my local NA service
structure.
Willingness, yes indeed, it’s one of our spiritual principles in the program, and in my life. It’s taken a lot of praying and writing, working steps and consulting God to find out what I am and what I am not willing to do. I think I’m ready to fine tune this recovery thing I’m in!
Question of the Week: Do you have willingness to stay clean and in recovery?
