Blog for August 17th, 2026
Celebrations and Decisions
Last week I wrote about us celebrating relatives’ birthdays, this week I have already attended two celebrations of life. Both of them women with cancer in their stomach. I think they were both too young to die. One was fifty-nine and the other forty-one. Two very different services. One was in a church, done with a lot of class and very Christian centered, as was she. It was a huge, packed full house and she was super active in our community and even the mayor came and spoke and gave a proclamation.
Two days later was the forty-one-year-old lady’s celebration, of whom I did not really know, I knew her mom, I used to sponsor her mom in NA, her service was held in a park. A park we used to have meetings at in the community building, way back in the day. We’ve also had many family picnics there for Easter and other family events. It always brings back lots of memories for me. Her “celebration” was quite different, even though it was a beautiful day and they had set up some picture boards and had chairs and a lot of taquitos, it was nice but very different. The attendees were a lot of actively using people. I believe some homeless people that were in the park were also offered food, which I agree with, but it was just different. Only her mom and friend got up and read something. No prayers, no shares, no structure, they were winging it. And that’s ok too, just different.
I seen a lot of people at both celebrations that I’ve known for a long time and have some history with. At the Church celebrations were people I knew from that church, from working in the school district in town and old neighborhoods I have history with. It was very classy, I said that the day of the service. The second one in the park, was much more casual and a “do whatever” feel to it. The one, at the park, is out of the town, I live out in this community and used drugs here too. I live in the same house as my last four years of using drugs and it’s where I got clean. There are a lot of drugs in this community, I call it the Village. And I think every single practicing addict in my village was there, including a good friend, someone I have sponsored over the years and traveled with, and we have told each other our deepest feelings and secrets for these past many years. I believe we are connected in our hearts, even still.
She decided to relapse about five or six months ago and has gone at it hard. I have kept my distance since she has relapsed, barely talked to her. But as I was leaving, she had just arrived, I hugged her, told her I love her and said, “call me” and left. As much as we have shared over the years, we have nothing in common now, except we are both addicts, with her using and me not. I told my son, who knows her well and has used drugs with her in the past, that I am having a hard time wrapping my head- and heart around the fact that we were so close, and now I feel cold and distant from her.
Someone called me about three weeks ago to tell me she was using, I already knew that. I could tell almost immediately, but I am not going to chase her, plead with her or beg her to get clean again. About twenty years ago, she had been clean for five years and then relapsed. She used for a few years again and ended up in jail, finally coming back to meetings when she got out. However, she only participated in recovery for about a year or so and figured she knew it all and so did not continue with meetings and recovery, she just worked a lot, and she and her husband built a new, clean life together, she stayed clean ten years, then relapsed again. Now, here she is, breaking my heart. I said to that person who called me, if she knocks on my door and wants help, I will help her. I would go to any lengths to help her, if she wants it. But truthfully, I am tired of it all, I’m just tired. I have tried and tried and I’m not going to chase someone down and hound her to get clean, she has had plenty of recovery and she knows where to go and what to do if she wants to get clean. I know that’s not easy, but it can be done, she’s done it before, a few times.
The Celebrations of life had so many similarities, both of them lived in the village and both had some form of stomach cancer. Both had been around drugs and alcohol growing up but one chose God and the other has decided to stay with the drugs. They are the same, but different. I heard a very profound statement from a speaker on a zoom meeting last Thursday, something I had never heard before. I liked it so much, I wrote it down: He said there is Suicide, Homicide, Genocide, and Geronticide & Senicide (which means letting old people die intentionally), and there’s, get this “De-cide”. Wow! What an eye opener that was for me. Yes, we must decide, we all make a choice, whether we even know it or not, like they say, an abstention is a vote also, even if you do not think so. But hopefully, you do know what you are choosing. My ex-daughter in law tells us it’s her choice to use drugs and that’s what she wants to do. She had found recovery for a couple of years and in that time had her third child, my grandson, the one we ended up having custody of, he is the reason I started this blog. She lost her rights to him by the time he was six but had left him at three years old with my using son. She decided that’s what she wanted to do. She made her choice and she still sticks to it.
I know I know, drugs are insidious, and perhaps it can be argued she knows not what she does, like my friend that is back out there using balls to the walls! But they have both known a different way, in my personal opinion, a better, healthy, loving way. Still, I do believe God has given us all free will, and we have the choice to follow Him or not, to not do drugs or to do drugs, daily, to be healthy or not, eating junk food every day and no exercise. So, there you have it, decisions have been made.
Question of the Week: What’s the best… and the worst decision you have ever made?
