February 3, 2020, Monday. 8:54am
Win, Lose or Draw
Super Bowl Sunday, Whoo hoo, everybody has a party, right? No matter who your real team is, or even if you don’t really care for football, this whole country seems to get behind the fanfare and hoopla of it all. If you don’t watch the “big game” at all, that’s great. Today’s blog is more about the festivities of it all behind the family dynamics. Or, when the recovering person wants to hang out with their old friends, maybe people they’d played sports with in high school or something. We all know that Super Bowl Sunday is about the food and booze. Well, I mean the get togethers to watch it. I’m sure there are die-hard fans that are all into the game, but I’m not here to talk about them. I’m here to talk about the “gatherings”.
A few years back my husband and I use to have friends (mostly sponsee’s) over for Monday night football, sometimes Sundays too. We’d have BBQ’s, potlucks and lots of snacks. Mostly, we had friendship. We had a safe place to “party” and have fun with our like-minded friends. It didn’t really matter who won, although they each had their own favorite teams and were devoutly dedicated to them. I either went along with my husband’s team, the Cowboys, or the team closest to home. But in real life, it didn’t matter to me who wins, it mattered that we were part of a greater plan to keep people clean and out of trouble during a potentially dangerous time.
Super Bowl Sunday is notorious for being the biggest domestic violence day of the year. I bet you can guess why. When the overly enthusiastic drunken, loaded, I bet money I didn’t have, emotionally charged guy feels like his team was done wrong and the handiest people to take it out on are his wife and kids, well… I’m sure you know what happens next.
I’m so grateful to be far removed from that life these days. Yet, we still have family that drinks at every occasion and the dynamics of our families is such that we need to maintain a balance akin to an ecosystem! Very delicate & fragile, a balance must be maintained. Therefore, we go to most of the little family gigs we’re invited to. And I am grateful to be invited, but we don’t stay long, just an appearance, hugs, eat, hang and talk a bit and then leave. It’s called self-preservation. It’s called keeping our own recovery intact, no matter what. It doesn’t mean I don’t like being with my family, I love being with my family, my kids, grandkids, step daughter and her family, I love them all. I enjoy them all. But I can’t be around the drinking too long. And that’s ok.
This year we went for a while, and the miracle of it is, my son was invited and his new girlfriend. Well, she’s new to the family, they are just meeting her, I met her about four months ago. My son and her began a relationship through social media first while they were both living in another state. When he busted his knee, really bad, had to have surgery he stayed here with us. A couple months later she also came back to town due to health issues, but my son relapsed the minute the doctor said he was ok to drive. I had given him a car and he was off and running! What a mistake. Any who.. we’ve all met her now and even his oldest daughter met her last week-end. We all seem to like her well enough. But like everything with him, Mr. “I’m clean now, but I’ll relapse soon”, we take it all very slowly and don’t commit to anything. She is the nicest girl I think he’s dated in a long time. OK, she’s not a girl, I’m old. Lol.
So, there we all are, at my step daughters, with my daughter, most all of their kids, my son and his girl friend and her kids. It was very cold and super windy and the kids wanted to play hide and seek, in and around the house, that didn’t go off very well. So, I brought them all home with me, including another grandson. Keeping them all entertained, cozy and warm at my house. It was fine. So, there it was, another little family gathering in the books, and my son won a little money on their pool, which he really needed to buy a little car. So now they have wheels again. I guess that’s good. We’ll see. He also started a new job today. I do hope all goes well for him there too. All I can do is pray folks! I try to encourage, but I’m so cynical about it all and always suspicious. It’s gonna take a while…
Anyway, the truth is, win, lose or draw, my family is my family, I do the best I can and quit beating myself up for not doing more, doing it better, doing it constantly. At some point, we have to let these grown up kids figure it all out and fall on their faces, into their addictions, bad habits, bad relationships, bad luck! They need to pick themselves up again when they are ready. I can’t make him; Lord knows I’ve tried. Letting go and letting God is my constant!
Meanwhile, on that same Sunday morning I went up to talk to my pastor for a second and he told me his wife is always telling him what a great teacher my daughter is, ( because they work at the same school.) I know that’s true, I’ve subbed for her and helped her in her class. She is a sweet, wonderful, beautiful, smart lady and I’m proud of her. She has done well. I love her so much and she’s amazing. My step daughter is the same way. Beautiful, smart, caring, great mom & teacher. It’s ok for them to drink and enjoy themselves on these occasions, but it’s not ok for me, one is too many, so I have to watch it. It’s my responsibilities to take care of my own recovery.
So, there are wins, there are losses and sometimes, we just call it a draw. Just let things slide and ride itself out. My main objective is to stay clean and keep my side of the street clean. To be who I say I am and stay close and faithful to my God. That’s it, that’s all I got on any given day…. Win, lose or draw.
Question of the week: Do you have to win all the time? Can you let it go? Walk away? Not say anything? If so, how? If not, what is the usual outcome?