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What Bugs Me

     So, you’ve heard me mention the backyard project we’ve been working on most of this lockdown Covid time of it right? Well, I was out there working and thinking to myself, “it seems I don’t get anything done until it bugs me”.  Yep! That’s me.  As much as I want to get things done ahead of time and keep up with everything, it just doesn’t work that way for me.  I’ve known this forever about me.

     I got to thinking about that, and looking back in my life I can apply that method to many situations in my life.  Just to get it out of the way, let’s start with the political since that’s the hot topic right now.  Over my life time I have campaigned for a few candidates, because I was motivated to do so because of what I seen going on in the world, or at least my world, it was crazy and wrong and I wanted to be a part of helping a candidate who had better standards and ideas.   But bottom line, I always vote, because in my thinking, it gives me the right to bitch later if it don’t go right! Ha!

    I got really bugged about me and my drug use.  So much so, that I was motivated to quit using.  Then I noticed the insanity in my life, it is glaring once you get clean.  That motivated me to call on God and work the steps! 

    Then I noticed I was unemployable and would never amount to nothing, so much so that I was motivated to go back to school.  My only skills prior to getting clean were bartending and dealing drugs. I needed a new skill set.  I went back to school for 14 years! Summers included!  I achieved a couple of different career skills.  Drug counselor, teacher, writer, humanities and human services.  Only because I was “bugged” by being welfare dependent and useless.  And living in poverty.

     I certainly noticed my kids! They had their struggles in their teenage years and I tried like heck to help them navigate those issues, but bottom line, I’m powerless.  They were married with babies before they were twenty, and so be it.  For my daughter who went back to school later, it has all turned out great. She had a rough start, but she is smart and trusts God and worked it out. My son, he has come in and out of his using and relationship issues. He has bought really nice homes, only to lose them in his addiction. I guess when it bugs him enough, he too may get clean and right once and for all.  I hope and pray.

    I do have the most beautiful, wonderful grandkids but the youngest one is the one that I have guardianship of now.  Because it bugged me to see him, just three years old wandering out the front the door while my son’s crack head girl friend sleeps on the sofa. It bugged me that she was a glass/window smasher when she was in a rage and this baby had tons of broken class in his little car bed.  It bugged me that all he ate was top ramen and McDonalds.  It bugged me that they used right in front of him and didn’t care who came in and out. I could go on and on with this one. But it bugged me so much so that I was motivated to bring him to my home and take care of him.  I love him so much and he is so precious.

    I also noticed that there were other woman coming into the program, wanting to get clean and get a life, because they too were bugged by the way of life they were leading. It bugged them to lose kids, be put in jail and always on probation. Hey, I get it.  I was bugged by the thought that these women had no one to turn to, so much so that I became of service and tried to be there for them.  Being of service and sponsoring these beautiful women has been the joy of my life. 

     Homelessness, abuse, un-equality, poverty and not enough help for addicts seeking recovery and people who need medical care and can’t get it, bugs me.  The drug epidemic in our country bugs me.  Lock-downs bug me.  Kids not going to school bugs me.  But I have to separate what I can do from what I can’t do. I am powerless over the lockdowns and the so many other things.  

     What I can do is take care of myself, my family and help out where I can when I can.  That sounds easy, but it is not as easy as it sounds.

     I also get bugged by stupid people who do stupid things, but mostly, there’s nothing I can do about that, lol.  I just pray and tell my husband, “did you see what they did”?  lol.  I am part of the “if you see something, say something” group.  If I see someone abusing a child or others, I will call a cop in a heartbeat.  I think because I’ve been a teacher for over twenty-five years, I have no problem with that.  They do not have a voice for themselves, abuse bugs me big time!

     I watch people struggle unnecessarily and it bugs me.  I was like that too.  I just cringe when I hear people share of all their struggles at meetings, but yet, no sponsor, no steps, no solutions.  Living in the solution should be our constant code, our creed. 

     If the dishes in the sink bug me or the mess on the porch bugs me or in my room, whatever, wherever, I get motivated to bust a move and clean it up. I am organizationally challenged, and that really bugs me!   I feel like I chase my tail most of the time!

     The bottom line, if anything bugs me enough, I take action to the best of my ability to solve it.  Clean it up.  And work my steps, pray, let go and let God.  BTW- letting go and letting God IS an action!

Question of the Week:  What’s bug’n you?  Is there a solution? Come’n on, you tell me.