I’m sure you all have heard that said. I remember when I first heard it, it was like a spiritual awakening. I have found it to be absolutely true. Anyone can pay lip service to love, but to actually DO something about it, for the ones you love, that’s a whole other deal.
The reason this has come up for me now is because I am working on the boy’s room while he’s away visiting other family. I want to clean it out, paint it and fixed it up nice for him. I have asked my son, his dad to help, especially with moving big furniture and doing the painting. He said yes, but has never showed. My husband helped me moved out a big old shelf, like 10×12, it is very big. It held a lot of stuff for him, clothes, toys, books and so on. Anyway, we’re old and it’s not easy. But, with my husbands help, we did it. He is now on oxygen and I took a couple ibuprofen and have rested my back a bit.
I’m not trying to whine about working on the room, I’m more upset about how I let my expectations of my using son get the best of me, again! Why do I do that? Maybe because he has shown up a few times these last couple of months and I get so happy when he does, but I shouldn’t be surprised when he doesn’t show up. But I do get disappointed and I thought he wanted to be a part of helping with his sons’ room getting spruced up.
I remember always having good intentions when I was using, wanting to do something for someone else, especially my kids and thinking of all the cool and wonderful things I was gonna do for them. Pretty much, none of it ever happened. I certainly regret those days; I regret my whole using time. I know my heart was kinda sorta in the right place, but I just couldn’t pull it off. You know what they say about good intentions!
Addicts are the most self-centered people on the planet and therefore, as a practicing addict I would ultimately put my drug use ahead of my kids, family and even myself, if that makes sense. I would not go to doctors or take good care of myself.
It wasn’t until I got clean that I even heard “love is an action” and it’s taken a few more years to really incorporate this knowledge into a way of living by it naturally. I want the people I love and care for to know I love them. Not just because I tell them so, but because of my actions. Giving selflessly to them.
This is not to be confused with enabling. Giving the addict or any free-loader money, rides, pay their court fines, food and stuff they need but spent their money on drugs is not an act of love. It’s usually an act of guilt. It’s a very confusing situation.
I am almost done with the room now and between you and me, it hasn’t been easy, but I do not want to complain or whine about that to the boy. I don’t ever want him to know how difficult it’s been for me. That would make him feel bad about it and then that would undo the act of love I am trying to project to him. I’m afraid I’m guilty of complaining too much about chores and this and that around the house and therefore it makes others feel bad. So that has to stop. “Do your work (everything) without grumbling” Phil 2:14. I believe is a spiritual principal. It’s also a loving thing to do. I need to practice that for myself!
Love is indeed an action. The best and most important act I took was getting clean. Without recovery and being clean I cannot do anything worthwhile for anyone else. Oh, I’d pretend I was doing stuff for others, but ultimately it was about what I could get out of it. Now, thanks to a decision to live better and healthier and following the principals of my faith and NA, I can be there for others. My family, friends and my awesome sponsees.
…let’s not merely say that we love each other;
let us show the truth by our actions.
– Bible, John 3:18
With that said, I have to work at continuing to put others ahead of me all the time. Because I certainly get the “Poor Me’s, the what about me and my needs?” syndrome. Oh yes, for me it can turn into a syndrome, lol. Maybe it’s not all that funny. But, hey, you gotta find some humor in your own issues or it’ll make you crazy.
Being of service is another great way to practice putting your love into action. Being of service in your 12 step program, your church, your clubs and community. Mostly, within the family. All this helps us “get out of ourselves” and think of others, which again is another spiritual principal. I see the people who are of service to others and they do so with a happy, loving, giving heart and they are some of the happiest people on the planet. When the motives are in the right place, the rewards are staggering. 😊 And they don’t brag about it either, they truly do their service out of love, not for recognition. Oh yes, there are indeed those that do service for recognition, but when it’s for love, they are the ones who truly reap the rewards.
Love is action for sure!
Question of the Week: Are you showing your love for someone or others with your words, or your deeds?