March 29th
This week we have lost a few
more people, but there is one in particular I want to talk about this week.
One of the deaths this week was a sweet, smart, spiritual, loving lady. A lady who cared for her family, her husband and sons, more than anything. She cared for her friends, her students, and loved life and spreading joy everywhere she went. What a smile she had. So thoughtful and kind, what a great sense of humor Cindy had.
Today, I had some text messages when I woke, asking me if she passed away last night. As it turned out, yes, she did. The reason I’m talking about her right now and not the other two deaths this week, is because I sponsored her, I loved her and knew her well, and then she moved.
A while after she moved, she called me one day and said she and her husband talked it over and decided to drink “sociably”. Because their “church” friends did and they wanted to hang out with them. “hummm…… “ was my intelligent response. She told me she had already been drinking and just thought I should know. I said, “I’m so sorry to hear you guys came to that decision”, she had over twenty years clean and sober at the time. I told her there was nothing I could say since she’d already been drinking, made her decision and I told her that I know that she knew what to do if she changed her mind, she could always call me. I told her I loved her and always would. And I do.
That was about ten years ago. I’ve talked to her, texted and had a meal or two with her since then and she seemed just fine, I was amazed. She was her same, sweet, bubbly self and worked hard at her job and took good care of her family.
This morning, when I heard of her death, I called other people who are close to her and her husband. I had no idea she was drinking so much. That vibrant, happy, fun lady had drunk herself to death. My heart is broken and my memories are flooding with the life we’d had before she left. She lives three states away from me now, so it wasn’t like I knew what was going on, but I regret not having talked to her lately, not even knowing how bad she had gotten. It seemed once she let the alcohol have its way with her, it just took off and killed her in no time.
I’m telling you her story to let you know that for an addict or alcoholic, they can have a ton of time and still go back out. I want her time clean and her time helping others to be remembered, I want her to be remembered. She was living in a beautiful home they had bought and had great cars and raised her sons. She had a job she loved, but probably with Covid she was working from home. Our disease still doesn’t care about all that. We have a disease that is out to get us and if we give it an inch, it’ll take over in its own sneaky, ugly way and do us in.
And just for the record, I met her in NA, she was a recovering addict and alcohol had never been a big problem for her before, but she and I both know that alcohol is a drug.
For some of us, we think there’s like a “reset” button where after twenty plus years and so much more knowledge and understanding we can drink – legally and responsibly now. Or, if you live in a state that has legalized recreational pot they said, “well, it’s legal”, ugh! Just because a drug- like alcohol is legal doesn’t mean we can do it. Just because your doctor says you can eat cannabis gummies or drink wine with dinner or have a little sleeping pill at night to help you sleep- doesn’t mean you should!
For an addict, every decision like that is critical. We have a life-threatening disease, I promise you- it is out to get you. If you are thinking of using, drinking or tricking the doctor out of crap you don’t need, DON’T! Besides the fact that it could lead to your early demise, it will make you suffer along the way and then, make your loved ones suffer!
She left three grieving sons, three beautiful grandkids and a husband with Parkinson’s that is very dependent upon her, on every level you can think of. You’re not in this alone, I’ve always said, “no one goes down alone”!! And boy oh boy, that’s the truth! Don’t be so selfish.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again, “DON’T USE NO MATTER WHAT”!! If you know of someone using and drinking like this, try to do an intervention. Offer to take them to a meeting, rehab, somewhere. We have an insidious disease that will wait it’s time to grab us by the throat and take us out when we least expect it. Once we are using (alcohol is a drug) all bets are off. We cannot manage our lives or control our feelings and thoughts. We will stop at nothing to get what we want, the next fix, pill, bowl or drink.
If you are starting to think you have a “reset” button, call someone, your sponsor, your friends, someone who loves and cares for you, someone. The hotline even. Just don’t use – please, no matter what!
Question of the Week: Are you or someone you care about thinking of relapse? Do you know what to do?