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Obsession– the state of being obsessed with someone or something.  An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind. – When someone is obsessed, they have lost control of their feelings about the object of their obsession.  Becoming compulsive, to lose control over it.

    And there you have it! Yep, that’s me.  I of course have beat the obsession to use drugs or drink alcohol, thanks to God and 12 steps.  But once you are an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) type person, you will always be OCD. I have tried to safely tuck away that part of me over these many years of recovery.  I watch my spending, eating, cleaning (lol), time spent on projects, even time out with friends or going to NA meetings and events.  I had to find a balance with all my activities.

     I know you know the feeling, the drive of not wanting to use, but yet, you just can’t stop.  It is insidious.  I do what I don’t want to do because it compels me.  Why? I don’t know, ask someone way smarter than me who understands the human psyche.  Is there really such a person? They will make claims and quote stats and ideas, but who really knows why we can’t stop?  God.

     I think that was something put into my DNA, the stuff that makes me- me.  I remember a discussion I had with my sister Susie once about this issue and why do we get so wound up and determined about stuff.  We decided the bottom line is that we are passionate people.  Because we could sure get involved in things in a heartbeat.  Your stuff, my stuff, her stuff, strangers stuff.  We’d try to help the helpless and fix other people’s problems, even when we couldn’t help ourselves.  That makes me think that OCD projects don’t really have a plan, we just plunge right into them.  Blindly sometimes.

Then there’s the wash your hands till they are raw obsession, hide stuff around your house, buy all the stuffed animals (or some collectable) you can, watch the same movie over and over obsession. Reading is an obsession, especially of certain books, exercise and dieting are obsessions. Being driven to be the best employee to the point of isolating yourself from others. Making and saving money can be an obsession, if you don’t believe me, ask Ebenezer Scrooge. Kleptomaniacs & School /learning can be an obsession, trying to be the best, to be number one, is an obsession. Sports is a big obsession in our country. Of course sex is a biggy. Sex if great, until it becomes such an obsession it hurts yourself or others. And now, we have people obsessed with wearing masks and staying home, thanks to the dam pandemic! The list goes on and on.

Another disclaimer, I’m not saying if you like to read, wash your hands, exercise or have sex there’s something wrong with you. I’m saying anything done to excess to the point you are not getting other things done or living a healthy life- is a problem. You just might want to look into that.

     Other times I get started on a project and it’s all out of whack so I’ll back up and regroup and make a plan of sorts.  I honestly do try to do as I was taught in my program, live in the solution. Which brings me to this weeks escapade.  My disclaimer about my newest OCD project is that it is a most worthy cause and my heart is indeed into it, I just need to learn to pace myself on projects I become passionate about.

     As I mentioned in my last couple of blogs, my beautiful sister Judy has moved to heaven and she is free and happy now, but for those of us down here, missing her and replaying our memories, it is a more painful process.  And speaking of replaying memories, my sweet nephew that I love so very much ask me if I had the video of his wedding.  Especially the part of him dancing with his mom at his wedding.  I said “I took videos?”  I ask if he had pictures of me there with a video cam in my hand, he said “yep”.

     So, there I went, I was off and running on a new OCD project.  Finding all those little mini DV tapes and super 8’s and the camcorders and cords and all the stuff it entails is not easy for a organizationally challenged person.  I wish I was more OCD with organization! Anyway, it took a couple of days but I found it.  Yay! Praise the Lord.  But the next problem, how to get it transferred from analog to digital. I bought a couple of devices, found and bought cords, went to Best Buy where a guy there helped me for one and half hours.  I’m trying like heck to live in the solution, but it is still eluding me.

     I ask a guy at my church yesterday that works with the video stuff if he knew a solution for me, he said I could bring all the stuff to him later today, and so I shall.  Oh, don’t worry, I will get this done or die trying!  That’s the passion mixed with the OCD I was talking about.  Lol.  At least this is a worthy project and once it’s solved I can transfer the other two hundred tapes I have. Lol – I’m not kidding.

     So, this week’s blog is short, because I’ve got to go look into other solutions.  But, if you are obsessing on drugs/alcohol, there is help, call a help line, get to a meeting, tell someone that is not also strung out and ask them to help you find help. Pray!  If you are obsessing on someone, stop it! What’s that old saying? If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you then it is meant to be, if not, let them go.  Maybe that’s not so easy to do, at least at first, but you can do it. Don’t let your obsession for someone stop you from living your best life. Go about your life and live it accordingly.

     Obsession is a tricky thing; it can be a scary thing too.  Many people are in jail or have hurt others behind their crazy obsession. The “lovers quarrels” that we often hear about on the news that turn deadly are for real.  Then there’s the obsession to gamble, I sponsor a lady who ended up getting a divorce from her husband because his gambling was so bad.  He is a recovering addict, which should give a clue about having OCD, but he went ahead and dove into his gambling obsession as so many have, only to lose everything, as so many have. GA, gamblers anonymous is another 12 step program that will help them with their gambling problem. 

     I have heard there are over three hundred 12 step programs for every kind of obsession you could think of.  I don’t even want to think of them all! But, it’s good to know that there is help of some kind for anyone who has a disorder they cannot control.  I wonder if there’s a technology support group?  Lol

Question of the Week:  If you’re clean, then what other obsessions have you had in your recovery? What are you doing about them?  Spending is a big one with a lot of us.

If you’re not clean, then the biggest obsession you have is trying to kill you, it’s time to get help.

     NA World Services
PO Box 9999
Van Nuys, California USA 91409
Telephone +1.818.773.9999

U.S. Hotlines | Gamblers Anonymous

Gamblers Anonymous
International Service Office
4981 Irwindale Avenue
suite 700
Irwindale, CA 91706
T (626) 960-3500
F (626) 960-3501
ISOMAIN@GAMBLERSANONYMOUS.ORG

Over eaters anonymous – Home – Overeaters Anonymous (oa.org)

Sex addicts anonymous Sex Addicts Anonymous – SAA (saa-recovery.org)

You can find just about any kind of program for just about any kind of problem, if not, call your local counseling offices, probably listed under the county you live in.