My Blog, July 19, 2021
Hello’s and Goodbyes- Storms & Steps!
Another adventurous week with Booma! Well, in parts that is. The boy was gone to camp all week. So the highlights of the week were getting him back home, then I went with a friend in recovery to her great aunts funeral- well, celebration of life- in LA. Traffic was horrible, too many wrecks, we re-routed and I felt like I was on Mr. Toads wild ride! Yet, we got there, it was at an American Legion Hall. She was nervous because she hasn’t seen much of her family in over twenty or thirty years due to her addiction. I told her that’s way too long, come on, let’s go. She was so glad she went.
We weren’t sure what to expect going into it, but knowing that she’s probably the only one in her family in recovery, I had a pretty good idea. I knew we’d be good for the first couple of hours and I know we can handle ourselves in these situations plus we prayed up and we had a car waiting right outside. Ha!
It was ok, she has a lot of nice relatives and some cool people in her fam. She got to say hello that was a long time coming to many of her relatives and goodbye to her aunt, a lady that she loved and remembered well. But as I suspected, about two hours into it, you could see the effects of “mourners” drinking, smoking and whatever. I guess the aunt and uncle were members of this American Legion Lodge and hence, open bar, party time. They even had a band come in. I was dig’n on the music that had been played by the DJ or whatever, all my old favs. The band was ok. This was definitely a celebration.
A friend of Aunt Jeri’s told me what fun they all had for the last fifty years, camping, with their families and doing so many things together. I was jealous. I was thinking of our own girls that were camping last week and how much fun they had. I can’t do it. Besides the altitude where they go is way too high for my COPD husband to breath in, I can’t watch them all drink every day, all day. Come to find out, that’s the same “fun” Aunt Jeri and Uncle Cliff were having all those years.
So, it got me to thinking about how some families can pretty much stay intact, and they all drink and party together all the time. But yet, when me or my friend do that- or try to- it doesn’t really end up like that. I always want more. Ugh! I hate that about me, I can’t just have one, or a little bit. I gotta have it all and then some. I kinda ruin it for everybody.
I think the best thing for me to do is, stay away from the parties and celebrations as best I can. We did leave when some of them were about three sheets to the wind. I had just had my own family reunion as you all remember where I was able to avoid or get past the drinking. Plus, I have some family that is in recovery also, that really helps. For the ones who drink, their drinking doesn’t bother me, drunkenness does. Especially belligerent drunks, who are sloppy and loud and rude, ugh! And since there’s so many skunks in the mountains, the smoking didn’t bother me much either, it was like sitting out in my front yard here in the hood. Lol
My friend and I did fine, she was happy to see some relatives she hasn’t seen in so so long, but we knew when to leave. We said our goodbyes. All was well, no regrets.
I have spent the last 36.4 years trying to stay out of that crap and I don’t care to be around it. They told me when I got here to change my playmates, playgrounds and playthings in order to stay clean, and I have. But once in a while, the occasion calls for us to be around it somewhat, for a bit of time.
Moving on with our lives, I was working on my steps last night when a thunder storm hit and took out all electricity. That was ok with me, I was already sitting in my chair, using a book light to do my step work, I was just done with step one and starting two when it happened.
I moved my little party outside to the car port to get fresh air and watch the storm. I finished steps two and three there and started four. Amidst the storm and interruptions from the boy and husband, which was fine, the fireworks and loud thunder and lightening strikes, I sat there and worked on me, because it was time.
I like stuff like that, but inside my house the heat is hard to take without fans and swamp cooler running. The electricity was restored about 9:30pm, my husband went to bed to read, the boy and I watched some TV while I did my fourth and fifth step. Now I will go finish it up. I do a yearly “house-cleaning” by going through all the steps at once and then making an appointment with my sponsor.
I have been clean a long time and I have been through the steps more times than I can count, over forty times and that is not to mention just working a particular one, like the fourth, now and then and the on-going maintenance steps, 10,11 & 12 on a daily basis. Yep, the steps work for me. Also, what works for me are steps 1,2 & 3 as a daily thing, I can’t, He can, I think I’ll let Him!
Which reminds me, yesterday we had the honor and privilege to go see a pastor and his wife that we had for an eight year stretch in our beginning recovery. I remember when we had to say goodbye to them, many years ago, it made me sad. But yesterday, we had another hello with him and his wife they were awesome people, still are. He is always straight, true and real and I love that. I learned a whole from them in my early years. His sermons seemed to always be about something recovery related, lol, or a step I was on back then. Ha. My recovery and my faith have always gone hand in hand, the Spiritual Principles I strive for tend to cross over in both realms. Works for me.
But there is something about seeing old friends, relatives and people from early recovery, or just life, that bring back a nostalgic and wistful feeling. I sure do miss them days, I wish I would have held tighter, I think maybe I did, too much so at times.
Working my steps helps me see my part in what’s going on with me. I think all this nostalgia and remembering has set my mind to romancing the past and certainly missing so many people I love so much, my sisters, my mom, niece and step daughter. It was her birthday this week. And remembering how cancer took this beautiful girl way too young is always a hard fact to swallow. I need to remember that grief and missing those gone from our lives is an ongoing and deeply painful thing, it is deep within me at all times. I try not to let it own me, but it sure does catch up with me from time to time. Those kinds of goodbyes are permanent in this realm, at least until we meet again in heavenly realm.
I know I was kinda all over the place with this one, as it is with life. We are all over the place. For today, I have an appointment to meet up with a sponsee and do her second step, this is what I love to do. Beside writing about recovery, family and what’s real, along with taking pictures of family and friends, I love to do step work with sponsees. I just wish more of them would get on the ball. Lol
I hope you have more hello’s than goodbyes this week and I hope all of you have a blessed week and find time for steps, family and friends. Even when the storms come.
Question of the Week: What step are you on? And – Have you attended any kind of family gathering this summer? How did it go?
