Blog for October 4th, 2021
Another Epiphany
I had an epiphany this last week, a spiritual awakening if you will. I know this is gonna sound cray cray, but guess what? I don’t have any control over others. Not even the kids, not even the minor kid under my guardianship. How crazy is that? Ha!
It “occurred” to me that I can only try to handle my own feelings, emotions, attitudes and mouth! That’s right, mouth! So, now that I have eyes wide open, and admitting it on a global platform which seems pretty risky to me. But I’m doing it because I have always been honest on my blogs and because it’s called accountability.
I spent a few days processing my epiphany and praying and asking my Higher Power for direction with this realization. “Now what God”? Some solutions were slow in coming to me, but they came. I then proceeded to talk it through with my husband and found 100% agreement. That always lets me know I’m on the right track. 😊
It’s not going to be easy to change me, to do it different and go against my grain, but it seems like it’s worth a try. And of course, I can not change me, it takes surrender to my God. Only He is going to be able to change a life time habit that was engrained in me since birth.
See, I was taught to be respectful to adults, in fact, to everyone. I was taught that children are to obey, listen and follow adult direction. Well, that’s all well and fine, but it’s not so simple. So, I’m taking a different approach, I’ll let you know how it goes.
But part of my epiphany included the fact that “insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results”. I was trying that same childhood upbringing on my kids and now my grandson and guess what.. it’s not working. Those antiquated ideas didn’t work with his dad and they are not working with our grandson. So finally, I’m taking a different approach, because I’m tired of beating my head on a rock.
The next thing I know, solutions and ideas are dropping out of the sky. Popping up on social media platforms and in daily meditation readings and conversations with others. I am already getting a few new tools in my bag for my new approach. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Lol
This is not going to be easy, but like I said, I have God, my husband a couple of friends who care about me and my recovery. I know they will be praying for me and my family and they will be on standby for me if I should need to vent or ask for more insight and direction. I can’t believe how long I’ve lived with this control issue! I always knew I had no control over others, but I did not put my own children in that category. I thought God had entrusted them to me to guide, train, help, show them the way to being a good, self-sufficient human.
Whereas that is all true: that we are only entrusted with our children for a time. I don’t think I was recognizing the “time” of letting go like I should have been. It’s all in the timing they tell me. I have to tell you; I am actually anxious to be trying it differently in this area. It’s kind of exciting to be changing in a positive way that will benefit all of us. I will be keeping track of how we process through this new change and sharing the outcomes.
So, here we go, change is the name of the game! That’s what I’ve been doing since day one of my recovery life and it continues to this day, thank God and NA!
Question of the Week: Do you have any deeply engrained life changes to explore and change?
