Blog for Oct. 25
I have lost or rather “misplaced”- (I hope it’s just misplaced) an important notebook. I call it my “pages” and I have many completed notebooks of my “pages”, this one is about half way done. With a lot of important notes and thoughts of daily life, hopes, dreams, plans and fears. I am freak’n out about not finding it, I’ve looked everywhere.
That’s not the only thing I’ve lost this week or misplaced, my cell phone, my prescription shades, pets, my temper, my mind, my way. I’m sure I’ve also done the regular misplacement of keys, jackets, shoes, numbers, obligations, the list goes on and on.
But the craziest thing I’ve ever lost was myself. And yep, you guessed it, after I got clean and into my recovery, I started finding my way. Finding out who I was. I had to look at where I’d been first. The hardest thing I’ve ever lost was relationships, very dear, important relationships. Losing relationships, for whatever reason, is the hardest thing ever. I miss so many people. Some have passed on and others just fall by the way side, sad.
Of course, the steps are laid out in such a great way to help us do that. They help see our past patterns, issues, decision and choice making blunders. We take a look at it all so that we will recognize our patterns and will not be doomed to keep making the same mistakes over and over again like we did in active addiction.
Once we are ready to move on, we try to be more thoughtful, more prayerful and more mature about our decisions. We still make plenty of mistakes, that’s for sure. As they say “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” But at least our hearts are in the right place and we’re trying to do what’s right and true.
In this process, I have found myself. I have found the person that my God wanted me to be all along. To be at peace with myself, and others. I once was lost, but now I’m found! A common phrase, but so true for those of us in recovery.
I still don’t know where my notebook is, but I know where I am- so far, lol. I pray for God’s will in my life using Step three and eleven. I turn my will and life over daily. Hopefully, that means I’m right where God wants me and for me, there’s no better place to be. I am found!!
Sometimes, I think I get confused between my will and Gods will, because I pray for His will and then I think He gave an answer, but, maybe not. Maybe I’m just pushing the issue? It’s happened.
The cool thing is, I’ve found a lot of stuff that I have lost, or misplaced, but also, I have stuff I never even knew I was looking for. Like, serenity, hope, laughter, friendships, service commitments and helping others. The list goes on. God has been good to me, simple because I seek and I try to find His will for me.
I really need to find that notebook, but more importantly, I need to quit losing, mis-placing or blindly give away the good stuff that God has given me. AKA- my recovery, my sanity, my joy and peace. My health (too many fries and chips), my talents (by wasting my time), my happiness. This is not God’s will for me. He has restored me and I need to hang onto it, by letting go and letting Him guide me.
Question of the Week: What have you found that you thought was lost?