Blog for January 24th, 2022
Using Your Tools
The journey continues… another week of ups and downs, that’s life! Some days, some moments are ordinary, others are stressful and sad. And some are just fun and make you so happy. Life is life and we need to learn to live life on life’s terms, not ours. If it were up to me, I’d been giving a notice and an option about whether or not I want the next crazy thing to happen to me or not. As if! Lol
Actually, there is kind of a way to “predict” or maybe suspect what might happen next in certain situations. Like if I drive 120 mph on the freeway on the wrong side, I can only imagine the outcome would be horrific. If I went up to 6’5’’ biker looking guy and told him he was ugly and stupid, I can only imagine the outcome would be horrific. If I gave each of my kids ten thousand dollars, brand new houses in the city of their choice and the cars of their dreams, they’d probably be really nice to me all week! Lol
So, as you can see, there are some situations we could figure ahead of time how it might go. Like, if I ask my grandson if he did his homework, I pretty much know we’ll end up in an argument. I try to de-escalate, but I can figure on that being a problem, therefore, I brace myself and pray up and make sure I’m ready for the go around. But other times, I’m so happy and delighted when he shows me that he did it and even got a good score. Either way, I need to be prepared.
I don’t mean to brag, but I am proud of myself for keeping my cool when the boy had a very angry melt-down this week, that was directed at me. I’m getting better, but that is from a strength that is not my own. Only with God’s help can I endure the screaming, yelling, hurtful words and accusations from a child- a child that is as tall as me- but nevertheless, a child.
I was pretty rattled and I needed most of the tools in my bag to deal with my feelings. So I left. I was taught to remove myself from a volatile situation as soon as I can. I got in my car and drove around the neighborhood and called my BFF, a smart, wonderful lady with thirty-five years of recovery. Plus, she knows all about my situation. Again, I was taught to call someone who cares about me and my recovery, I know she does for sure.
I did some deep breathing and praying. I also called my son, his dad, who has been clean about fifty days. I asked him to help. He said OK and I felt a lot of relief right then. Yet, as the week went on, there was some help, not exactly what I’d hope for, but some is better than none. Him and his girlfriend ended worrying about her sister and dealing with her and her trauma drama.
Still, the big tools in my box that I’ve pulled out for this situation is the steps: one, two, three, seven, eleven are the most applicable ones for this situation. One tells me I’m powerless over people, places and things. I sure am, I can’t make a child behave the way I want. Step Two, if I don’t understand that I’m powerless over him, then my insanity instantly returns. Step Three, God can handle this, He can help the boy way better than I can. Step Seven, I had to become humble and ask my God to remove any and all of my shortcomings that were getting in the way of me doing the right thing in this situation.
Finally, Step Eleven helps me know God’s will for me and He gives me the power to carry that out. I found that His will for me right then was to be as calm and loving as possible. To live in the solution. Which, for the immediate moment, was that his dad said to send him over to his place. I tell ya, these are some powerful tools that I have in my toolbox. I also have an insurance policy that I’ve been paying into for over thirty-six years. I’ve done paid into it by going to meetings, doing step work, sponsoring and maintaining my relationship with my sponsor and of course my High Power.
This week has been full of ups and downs as I said, because the incident with the boy, I’ve also had the pleasure of doing a Twelve Step call. Which is quite different than the ones we use to do in the old days. But due to Covid, we have talked on the phone and zoomed talked and went to a couple of zoom meetings together and text daily.
I believe in giving back what has been so freely given to me and therefore I have also spent a good amount of time this week working on our Web Page, since I am the Webmaster again. I needed to be schooled in a few things and fix a few things, because that is another way to carry the message. These are the things that help me to feel good and worthwhile. Not to mention the step work I did with a sponsee this week.
So all in all, it was a pretty good week all things considered and I know that I will always keep paying into my insurance policy as long as I’m able and keep my tool box clean and tidy and well stocked.
Question of the Week: Is your Tool Box well stocked? Have you had to pull some tools out lately?