2020, I can see clearly now! December 31, 2019, Tuesday, New Years Eve It’s been a crazy week around here. A crazy month! Who are we kidding, it’s a crazy year, a crazy life. There’s an old recovery saying that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans! Lol. Well, I don’t even try to do that anymore. As far as resolutions…? I have the same ones every year. I use to always say I want to be a better parent, especially after I got clean. And like 99% of all resolution makers, get healthy, lose 20 lbs and all that.
I don’t really do New Years resolutions anymore, but I do try to make a daily commitment to be a better person, more faithful, kinder, tolerant, giving, caring, serving and all that sort of stuff. Because I am raising a grandson I still need to say “be a better parent”, but even to my adult children and adult grandchildren. I do love them all very much, but I don’t always feel connected to them all. Our daughters and their families and their in-laws all got together last night and played poker and had fun drinking and partying. My husband and I are always on the outs. It’s a price we pay for not drinking with them and that’s ok with me, it has to be.
Yesterday morning I drove to my daughters, about twenty- five minute drive and on the way I was alone. I was talking to God and thanking Him for 2019, for surviving my brain surgery and aneurysm. For my husband, he has been sick, but is still with me on this earth. I have so many blessings, so many reasons to be grateful. Mostly for my faith, it has grown a lot this year. I’m grateful for that. Yet, during this time of year it has been difficult watching people I know who are homeless with little kids. Yes, of course I’m trying to help and do what I can. It has caused me to look back into my own life of times homelessness with my kids and penniless. As I look back and recall those times, I remember my sisters, my brother, friends and my ability to find places to stay. I was extremely fortunate. I also had the will to live and get my kids into a better place, safer place. I did not always make good choices in my life, obviously or I would never have to have come to NA. But, because I did and because I stayed and changed my ways, my thinking, my habits, my playground, playmates and playthings as they say, I have had a much more sane and wonderful life. God has been good to me; I believe it was step 3 that really set me free.
I may not always get what I want, but I always have what I need! And as I continue on in this new year, with a clearer vision- because it’s 2020! Lol. Yes, clearer, but yet, the same. I still do all the same basic things I did in the beginning of recovery: Live one day at a time, sometimes one hour or minute if necessary, Let go and Let God, surrender to win, Easy does it (but do it). Keep it simple. Turn my will and my life over to the care of a power greater than myself. Continue to take my own inventory, make amends when necessary and share this message! Hence, here I am. Lastly, “having had a spiritual awakening, try to practice all these principals in all my affairs”. Boom! There it is! Simple? Yep! Easy? Not always, after a while it becomes habit, a way of life.
Therefore, that’s my resolution, to keep doing what I’ve been doing for 34.9 years, to search, give back, be me. Ask for God’s will for me and the power to carry it out, step 11 in case you didn’t know. So folks, that was a refresher in living the program, continuing working the steps and keep them incorporated in my life.
Question of the week: What do you do already that you want to hang onto and continue doing in 2020? What would you like to change or add to 2020? Have a great New Year!