August 23, 2021
Here I sit, watching my cute cute great grandson while his mommy has gone to see the doctor about his new baby sister- well, TBA- arriving about January 2022. More blessings.
This sweet baby boy I’m watching today is the quietist, sweetest, easiest baby I’ve ever seen. I’m not entirely sure I’m ok with that, but he is an angel. I can’t get the TV to work here at his house, so it’s pretty quiet here.
At my house, we usually have some kind of noise, TV’s, music, people talking, cars & dirt bikes roaring up and down the street dogs barking, neighbors coming and going, UPS just about every day, phones ringing. The “ring” ringing- or chiming, whatever the alert is set to. You get the point.
But here, today, even with a little one, it’s so quiet. I’m not sure what to do. I read and sing and talk to the baby. But he is content to play by himself. He does not talk; he uses some sign language and the sign he’s been giving me today I do not know. I know some of them, but not this one, it’s new to me. He does make some sounds and he is trying to talk a little bit.
Anyway, I was just trip’n on being alone with myself in the quiet. It seems when I plan it, it’s ok. Like in the mountains, by a lake, going for a walk. Driving in the car and turning the music off. Sitting out front of my house or on the back deck. At all those times I look and listen to nature. I mean, its quiet time, but not really quiet. I’m talking about absolute deafening silence. Not a sound! Add total darkness to that complete silence.
Total and complete blackness without a sound. The first thing that comes to mind is space. If you are floating out in space, maybe that’s what it’s like? Not sure, never done that.
But the main point I want to make is being all alone with yourself, no noise, no interruptions, not the birds, or far off planes or even ocean waves, nothing. Nothing but you and your own consciousness and God.
What would I hear then? In the quietness, in the aloneness and stillness? Would I hear that small still voice within me? In my faith, we call that the Holy Spirit, but there is also my own voice. I can hear my thoughts up inside my head. I hear myself now, as I write, I hear the words before I write them.
Would I find contentment there? Love? Fear? Emptiness? Would I be left wanting or satisfied with what has filled me? Am I ok with me or too afraid of my own feelings and thoughts to sit silent, with no noise?
Maybe I don’t want to know what God would reveal to me. Maybe then, I might have to change something about me. Something that I like about me. Like, my big mouth or bad attitude? Lol, not all the time, but hey, it happens.
Recovery, that means the twelve steps for me mostly, has taught me that quiet time and step eleven are vital to my recovery. I have learned to pray and meditate in solitude. For a time in my life, I use to go get acupuncture and during my treatments it drove home meditation, as, I couldn’t move with all those needles in me, so I was forced- sort to speak- to lay still and meditate and talk to God. It was a great learning experience for me.
As I practice my eleventh step, praying only for the knowledge of God’s will for me, I always hear “Love”. That is God’s will for me, to love and to be loved. That is what I have found in the quietness and solitude when I commune with my God.
When I look over at my precious little grandson, playing so sweetly and quiet, all I see is love, all I hear is love. He is an angel. He is a gift, a gift of love, as will be his new sibling, as are all of our children.
In the quiet, pray for God’s will for you and the power to carry it out. Then listen, be still and listen.
Question of the Week: Are you able to sit still in the quiet and listen for that still small voice? Have you done Step Eleven yet?