Blog for September 21st, 2026
Fitting In & Letting Go
I don’t know about ya’ll, but when I was growing up, I was always trying to fit in with others, somewhere, somehow. As a teenager, I’d look at the “cool kids” and think, “it must be nice, but it’ll never be me”! And indeed, it wasn’t, I always ended up with the party kids, the other druggies, older guys and dropouts. The cool kids were called “Socies” back in my day, a play on high society types that had all the important social connections through their rich families or abilities. The star football players could come from poor backgrounds, but because they were helping the school to look good and do good, they were elevated. Anyone with noticeable talent, style, intelligence received the accolades to put them in the spotlight.
Me? I was never well known in any school I went to because we moved so much. Through high school I only attended about three different schools, many miles apart in different towns or states. Mom had started to slow down by the time I was a teenager, I was the last one left at home, out of five of us kids. She even stayed single for my last couple of years of high school but still dated plenty. Anyway, my last couple of years were at the same school. And I became kind of popular, for all the wrong reasons. I was always trying to fit in, and yet, have all the fun I could, partying.
I know I made a fool of myself at times, didn’t even know it then. Only in retrospect do I see it now. Even at jobs, parties, apartments I lived in. I was friendly I guess, usually outgoing, but shy also. Hummm. I just wanted to belong and fit in. The best place I belonged was with my sisters. My family. Since we were all pretty much “like-minded” and knew of our own past, our present and quite possibly our futures, we were kind of in sync. I looked up to them and wanted to be like them. Have some babies and get on welfare so I could keep on partying. Holy Mackerel! Mission accomplished! Crazy huh?
I have held onto this need to fit in and belong somewhere for most all of my life in most all of the situations that I found myself in. Wheater it was hanging out at a bar with my “friends” and sling’n dope, or at jobs, and certainly with the connection. The drugs pretty much kept me from realizing how desperate I might have been or was I just being careless and haphazardness because I was high? It was all a party to me, until it wasn’t.
I’m sure you’ve all heard about “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs” Love and Belonging are in the middle of his pyramid of human needs. After food, shelter and safety. Then we all just want to feel like we belong somewhere. Which will then move us up the pyramid to higher self-esteem and self-actualization: which will help us feel like we have a purpose, potential, creativity and morality. Makes sense to me! Belonging is very important for a healthy, stable outlook in life. Feeling cared for and loved. Not everybody gets that. Like the song says “looking for love in all the wrong places” is what happens when you don’t get it at home growing up. Mine was hit and miss, and my older siblings took up the slack as often as they could. I still struggle to this day with wanting to fit in and belong somewhere.
So, this weekend we (my husband and I) attended an NA convention in So Cal. I like to go to see old friends, get a bunch of hugs and hear some good recovery. I must say I did get all of that plus some NA jewelry 😊. But it’s not quite the same anymore. I noticed that most of the people there are a lot younger than us and many of our old, trusted members, our friends, are absent. Many have passed away and others are not able to attend due to illness or like my sponsor, they don’t drive anymore or want to be gone from their homes too much. Money is a big issue too.
So, that’s to say, I didn’t feel like I used to, and why should I? After forty-one years, things change. A lot. Certainly, I have, but I still want to belong, especially to my life-long fellowship. On the way home, we discussed how we’re going to be doing this differently in the future. And that’s ok too. Like I’ve said before, “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today”. Things change and trying to fit in where I really do not belong is not the answer, it’s time to admit and accept I’m just not cut out for all the hoopla anymore. But don’t get me wrong, I do fit in other places, up around my area I live in.
I have tried to fit in and belong at churches, organizations, co-worker stuff and neighbors: I’m just not feeling it. I fit in so perfectly with my siblings, but all my sisters are gone now, and my two closest friends have moved far away. My brother also has moved far away. It’s the same ol story since I was a kid, I don’t really “belong” anywhere. Except, here at home with my husband. 😊 I know I fit in with my God and He loves me and cares for me. Maybe… someday, I’ll get to a place where we’re all of like mindedness, worshipping our Lord and singing and loving Him. That’s where I belong! Because I guess, I’m just not of this world. That’s probably why I do not fit in here!
With that said, then I know, all I need to do is let go and let God, still! My bottom line, every single time!
Question of the Week: Where do you belong? Do you feel like you fit in somewhere?
