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    I wrote this blog about three and half hours before we heard about Kobe’s helicopter going down.   I’ve been trying to get back it ever since and couldn’t find the words.  How incredibly heart breaking.  I was with my son when he got a text about it.  He has been an avid Lakers fan since he was born! He loves basketball and he can spout out all of Kobe’s stats and biggest accomplishments.  Kobe belongs to us, So Cal.  He has been an inspiring and iconic figure in the LA area and beyond.  His sweet little girl, Gigi, was with him, I can’t even image his wives’ pain. You know her and their other three girls are in all our prayers. That’s all I got; I don’t know what else to do.  If I knew her personally or were related, I’d just be there.  Being there for your people is the best we can do.

     Of course, you all know there were seven other people on the chopper, all lives were lost, a horrific tragedy.  Also, on the same day, another chopper went down, in Iraq, with 31 American soldiers. On that same day, several fire fighters from America were in Australia and they lost their lives when their little plane went down.  So many lives lost in a day due to flying machines.  So sad, so many people who have to cope with the loss, their families, friends and the world at large.   This has been a reinforcement for the blog I had written prior to these accidents that same day.  Of course, many other people died that day due to other accidents and illnesses.  That flu in China is claiming lives right and left.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.  That’s why, being sure you are mixing joy into your sorrow and spending time with your people is so important. Try to strive for balance, even in your grief. Look for the love, for comfort and any uplifting moment you can grab hold of.  God bless you all, keep your loved ones close and say I love you, very often.  Rest in Peace #24, #8. #2 What a good dad he was! A good human being. Heavy loss.

   January 26, 2020, Sunday. 8:19am- Balance

 It’s been an interesting week-end.  I got to spend some quality time with family and friends.  On Friday I went and got my granddaughter (75 miles away) and we went to Burbank to spend the night at the Marriot where the auditions for Family Feud were being held on Saturday morning.  My daughter, grandson and his wife drove down that morning and met us there.  We had a great time, it was a lot of fun.  We even won the mock game and then stole from the other team. We were fun and enthusiastic as we could be.  We were actually having fun, not just faking it.  I had a blast!

     Afterwards, we drove about forty- five miles out of LA and stopped for lunch all, we were still laughing and having fun.  We won’t know for a couple of weeks if we made it or not. We’ll see.   After I took my granddaughter back home, I headed “up the hill”, Where I would be meeting my husband at a friend’s house, they were having a party for her and her bff, which is one of my sponsee’s, for their twenty years clean.

     It was a great celebration with about thirty or so of some of the people who have been most important to them in their journey of recovery.  They were absolutely beautiful. Lots of love, laughter and fun.  My friend, aka “sister in recovery”, who has 31 years clean and also has lung cancer, was there as well and said she was feeling better than she had in a while.  That… is always good, welcomed news!  I love her so much, pray for her continually. It was good to see her out and about. 

     The party was great and the girls were beautiful.  I love watching the celebration of life!  This is why I still go to meetings and participate in a fellowship of recovery.  Yesterday morning my granddaughter and I had breakfast at Denny’s before the others got there for the audition and she ask me if I ever find it exhausting to talk about or be about drugs & alcohol so much.   I said yes, because I remember a time when I had been working in the filed of recovery as a drug counselor and I did start feeling the burnout of it all. The all day, everyday dealing with the disease and sad, sick, hurting people.  It really truly can wear on you, because you are inundated with the heartbreak and pain of addiction constantly and when you are able to empathize, because you too are an addict, it’s like you feel the pain and misery of it all, over and over again.  

     I was glad to leave that field and get into teaching. Which was a delight and helped me balance my own recovery, meetings and life in a much healthier manner.  It doesn’t mean I am totally separated from the pains of addiction, that is absolutely not the case. That’s why I have this blog, to help support those of us in recovery and STILL dealing with other’s addictions.  Sometimes, there’s just no getting away from it, but we can find help and relief through shared circumstances.  We can even have humor, love, spiritual paths, education and a life well lived.  I believe people who have been through these kinds of trails come out stronger and more self-reliant than most. And when we are in celebration and enjoying each other’s company, our laughter is genuine and our smiles are real.  Even if it’s for a dang ol TV game show!  Lol. 

     To paraphrase Kahlil Gibran, you cannot know joy without having known sadness.    And Psalm’s 126:5   “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!”   I think you get my point here, that perhaps because of the suffering, our joy shall be multiplied.  All along the way of recovery I have had pockets of joyful, fun, blessed times with family and friends.  I search them out.  By way of concerts, friends and family celebrations of life, that includes, birthday parties, babies being born, weddings, graduations, holiday celebrations, gatherings of kindred spirits (meetings).  I have been blessed with a family that has a great sense of humor, I look for friends like that also.  Because yes, addiction and all the pain it brings can be so exhausting.  Meetings lift me up, believe it or not.  Hard to explain that to people who don’t go or people who just went to one or two and decided it’s all about people romancing their drug of choice and that life style. I often hear “they make me want to use”.  Well, ok, what I hear is, its still not working and if everything was great, what’re doing here at a meeting?   But mostly I hear, the language of love, empathy (not sympathy), I hear how they meet and overcome their day to day challenges. Because that’s where the battle is won and lost, on the day to day grind, I hear hope, compassion, solutions. Yes, there has been sadness and pain shared a plenty at meetings, but pain shared is lessened. Joy shared to multiplied.  That’s why.  Not exhausting, uplifting.  To be with like-minded people that get me and see and hear how they are doing the day to day grind, that’s what I need.  I’m grateful and gratitude is the most popular topic in meetings! 

     So, yes, I’ve had a great week-end, and it’s not even over.  I get to go pick up my son and his girlfriend and her kids and go to church here in a little bit.  More celebration of life.  I have a fun church, uplifting and loving.  Then later to go see more family.  God is good.   We have to have these pockets of fun, celebration and happiness to offset the pain of a life of addiction, illnesses and hurts.  It’s the yen and yang, the balance of life.  So when you get exhausted, rest.  Rest in the company of your family, friends, and your God. Rest in solitude, rest and re-energize, because you are the people who have something to share with the world, to uplift others.  You are the ones who can show them that they need to grab onto joy and love every chance they get to balance that out.

Question of the week:  How do you balance out your pain & joy? Where do you find joy?  How do you get uplifted & restored?